Silent flight?

Aeroplanes may sometimes offer questionable choices in in-flight movies and unappealing, flavour-free meals, but they are one of the few remaining havens where you can escape the irritating ring tones, bleeping buttons and one-sided conversations that go hand-in-hand with mobile phones.

Travellers who relish the final phone-free zone should make the most of their journeys until the middle of this year, though, as that is when everything is set to change. Airlines at either end of the price spectrum, Ryanair and Emirates, have recently made an announcement that could alter the face of business travel: they intend to introduce new technology which will enable passengers to use their mobile phones, PDAs, laptop PCs and Blackberries while in flight.

Rather than resorting to the expensive fixed telephones that are currently available on some planes, people will be able to use their own handset for a charge to their normal bill. Operators say that making a call in the air will be charged at roaming rates, just as if you were abroad.

There are two reasons why mobile phone use has always been banned on aeroplanes until now. There is a chance that phone signals could obstruct avionics equipment and interfere with the two-way radios used by pilots. In addition, the lesser-known reason is that calling from a mobile as you travel at over 600 miles per hour at more than 20,000 feet in the air causes havoc to the networks on the ground. The antennae’s limited range means that in-flight calls must flick from base station to base station as the handset hurtles above them. The new technology deals with these hurdles by enabling the phones to operate at their minimum power level and introducing a hub which is attached to the plane’s fuselage that sends phone calls and texts to the networks on the ground via a satellite.

Budget airline Ryanair announced in August that it has made a deal with onboard passenger communications provider OnAir to fit its entire fleet of Boeing 737 aircraft with the new, lightweight technology. Subject to regulatory approval, 50 planes will be fitted with the equipment from mid-2007, with the remainder of the 200-strong fleet receiving installations from early 2008 onwards – making it the first European airline to offer such a service.

Of course, if the scheme takes off, it has the potential to be a money spinner for the cut-price carrier, which will receive commission from OnAir on call revenues generated by its passengers. It fits the company’s busy, price-driven, no-nonsense image, too. Ryanair’s outspoken chief executive, Michael O’Leary, dismissed communication industry regulator Ofcom’s report that warned that allowing calls to be made and received on flights could lead to “increased agitation” among passengers. He was reported as saying: “The focus of the Ofcom report was long-haul flights, with interrupting people at 3am. Onboard Ryanair flights we don’t allow anybody to sleep as we are too busy selling them products. If you want a quiet flight, use another airline.”

The company will also be using the technology to further develop its in-flight entertainment, with a website – to be accessed either by a passenger’s own mobile phone or via a laptop computer distributed by cabin staff – enabling people to play a range of games as they fly, including bingo and black jack. “You have a lot of people on a flight that are fairly bored and they will want to get involved in this sort of activity. We hope we can make millions upon millions!” said O’Leary.

Dubai-based airline Emirates, which boasts a fleet of 100 wide-body aircraft that fly to more than 80 cities worldwide, has adopted a rather different approach for its system, which is set to be launched on board one of its Boeing 777s this month. Pre-empting a possible customer backlash against the prospect of being stuck next to a passenger yapping on the phone for the duration of a long-haul flight, it has been keen to underline the “discreet” nature of the service.

Using equipment developed by in-flight mobile service provider AeroMobile, Emirates’ $27m investment will be controlled by the cabin crew who can prevent voice calls at certain times, such as during night flights; information videos will encourage passengers to switch their phones to silent or vibrate modes; and the phones may only be used at cruise altitude.

Despite Emirates’ efforts to stress how non-invasive the service will be, the concept has not been welcomed with open arms by every frequent flyer. A live BBC Breakfast broadcast that discussed the development in August 2006 received just two emails from viewers supporting the idea during the entire course of the programme. Many passengers are less than keen on being subjected to hearing other people’s telephone conversations and ringtones, especially on long-haul flights, and others are more concerned about the potential security risks – mobile phones were temporarily banned from cabins following the Heathrow bomb scare of summer 2006 – although aviation security experts have said that the threat is minimal if the devices are screened properly at check-in.

There are clear advantages to the technology, though. Business travellers will be able to stay in touch with their office while in the air, by phone or by email. The plane could become an extension of the desk and online work could be carried out during the journey. Delays and estimated arrival times could be reported to colleagues and clients, and meetings could be rescheduled quickly and easily. And, of course, for holidaymakers, it could be a convenient means of keeping in touch with family and friends.

The two pioneering airlines are being closely watched by the rest of the aviation world, which is preparing to follow their lead should it prove a success, with both Bmi and Air France planning to trial OnAir’s system this spring. Whether the consumer embraces or rejects the opportunity remains to be seen. It seems that US regulators, however, are yet to be convinced of its benefits, so internal flights in America could soon be the sole bastion of travel tranquility.

Skin matters

When faced with never-ending queues, delays, and irritating fellow passengers, the last thing on your mind is your skin. But next time you are reclining in Business Class with a G & T, spare a quick five minutes for your flagging complexion. As a living organ, your skin will bear all the externally visible signs of environmental stresses and in-flight air is one of its biggest enemies. Humidity on high-altitude flights is drier than any of the world’s deserts – usually approaching zero humidity compared to 20 – 25% in the Sahara. Bring your skin back to its comfort zone with our guide to the best moisturisers to keep you glowing and radiant when the humidity is plummeting

For the girls…
Yonka Creme 28, £30
Yon-Ka has earned a reputation as the Haute Couture of Luxury Skincare as their products are available from some of the world’s finest beauty salons and spas and worshipped by celebrities. Join the likes of Kylie Minogue, Madonna and Victoria Beckham and treat your skin to some Yonka crème 28. Enriched with essential oils, for very dehydrated skin, this vitamin-rich hydrating day cream is a precious ally for all skin suffering from dehydration and will work to bring back skin luminancy. It helps reduce the appearance of lines and fatigue traces resulting from moisture loss.

Dermalogica Intensive Moisture Balance £27.40
Renowned skincare experts, Dermalogica have come up trumps again with this ultra rich phytonutrient moisturiser to help provide excellent nourishment for dehydrated skin. The liposomal delivery system and stabilised Vitamin C help smooth the appearance of dry lines and skin damage, leaving skin feeling soft and supple. Antioxidant enzyme, Ginkgo and Vitamins A & E help form a protective shield skin from environmental damage, whilst soothing Coneflower combined with botanical extracts of Grape Seed and Wild Yam help repair skin.

L’Occitane Shea Butter Ultra Rich Face Cream £22.50
Apply this luxuriously rich cream to your face for an instant treat and increase skin hydration for 24 hours. Synergistic formula of plant nutrients offers immediate comfort and relief from dryness, and continues to hydrate and protect, leaving skin smooth and supple. A unique blend of 25% Shea Butter, chestnut extract and wheat protein helps to replenish skin’s hydrolipidic film, restoring balance to the skin barrier that defends against harsh environmental conditions. Skin is left feeling revived and glowing with  health.
Call 020 7907 0301 for stockists.

Cavailliert Top Secret Spray £21.90
This liquid moisturiser spray from Cavalliert will deliver a veil of moisture and perk up a tired complexion. The exotic cocktail of flower water, rosemary, rose, lemon and myrtle essential oils will unlock a new lease of life into dry skin. The spray is packed full of active ingredients including Vitamins, botanical extracts, plants and herbs to help detoxify the face whilst also leaving it glowing with vitality and radiance. Spritz over the face to cool, refresh make-up and help soothe and relieve headaches and other jet-lag symptoms.

For the boys…
Elemis Daily Moisture Boost £25
This lightweight moisturizer is designed to immediately recharge and hydrate the skin after shaving, defending it from harsh external pollutants. Exclusive blend of Polynesian Green Tamanu Oil helps soothe skin and any feelings of discomfort, achieving an overall improvement in skin condition. A trio of Citrus Oils decongests the skin, offering day-long free-radical protection. Skin compatible, plant based natamilks of Chestnut and Bamboo assist in restoring elasticity, suppleness and essential nutrients for the complexion.
Call 01278 727 830 for stockists.

Sothys Homme Hydrating Active £33.95
Celebrity jet setters Jude Law and Ashton Kutcher are both fans of this prestige skincare brand from the heart of Paris. Active ingredient Phytomalt extract obtained from Scottish malt whiskey characterises the range and is rich in proteins, vitamin B and minerals.

This moisturiser has a light non-oily formula and contains macademia nut oil to soften and soothe and help rediscover and conserve comfort and suppleness for the entire face. Active ingredient Infrasome is also perfect to relieve dry and dehydrated skin over 12 hours.  
Call 01303 262666 for stockists.

Nivea For Men Revitalising Cream Q10
Apply this miracle cream from Nivea to help replenish and give a lift to tired and stressed skin. Formulated with Care Pro Tecthe professional care technology that supports the natural function of men’s skin, this skin treat will cure parched and stressed skin. An advanced formula containing Coenzyme Q10, Vitamin E and provitamin B5 not only supports the skin’s natural renewal process but will help build up its resistance to external aggressors and restore elasticity and firmness.

Your car, Sir…

When asked to cite the key ingredients for business success, that great hotelier Conrad Hilton famously replied: “Location, location, location”. Modern business consultants would certainly opt to add image to the recipe.
Turn up in soiled overalls and driving a beaten-up old van laden with ladders and half-empty tins of paint and you are a mere painter and decorator. Wear a smart designer label suit and arrive in a sparkling white Golf GTi and you are transformed into an interior designer, commanding three or four times the fee for essentially the same job.

It can work the other way too. I once advised a highly successful debt recovery firm whose fees had reached a plateau to ditch their sparkling fleet of Jaguar XJs in favour of modest little Mazdas – and to take their clients for a pub pie and a pint rather than to swish restaurants.

They dealt with humble credit controllers – the lowest of the low, with the dingiest of offices and the most thankless if vital of tasks – rather than high-flying chief accountants or finance directors. Such people hated the success of others being flaunted in their face and would react by bitching that they must be paying too high a level in fees. Disliked by their bosses for settling bills too quickly and collecting debts to slowly, hated by clients for chasing and suppliers by not paying out, despised by sales staff when they tightened up credit lines to clients and probably disliked at home by their wife and kids, with the dog biting them too, such poor creatures were happiest pouring our their souls – and giving their business – to reps they perceived to be in a like position.

Net result of the change of company cars? Fees that over the following year were teased upwards by up to 25 percent.

We are continually judged on appearances. Send a limousine, complete with liveried chauffeur to pick an important overseas client up from the airport, maybe with a welcoming box of his favourite cigars or a malt whiskey gift pack waiting on the back seat and you will created an aura of success that will help cement that crucial deal or add a zero or two to your fees.

Similarly, turn up in appropriate style when visiting clients – potential or existing – and you will have gone a long way towards winning or retaining their confidence, and their business.

Hire fees currently run at £3 and upwards per mile plus £35 per hour waiting time, with a minimum rate of £70 or more per booking for a gleaming Mercedes in London. For comparison, Chauffeur Drive North East, operating out of Newcastle upon Tyne, run a fleet of Mercedes Benz S-Class limousines and Chrysler people carriers at rates from £30 an hour. This might all seem an extravagance at a time when cost containment has become almost obsessive, however, using chauffeur drive can actually make very sound financial success.

With the onerous task of trying to find parking spaces lifted from your shoulders, you’ll be able to pack more meetings into each day and can also be confident of being on time. You’ll already be exchanging handshakes to close the deal when your rivals are running an hour late, still desperately trying to park. You will enjoy truly door-to-door service, emerging from your meeting to be greeted by the smiles of your driver, rather than the smirk of a traffic warden slapping a parking fine notice on your windscreen or, worst still, the clampers or tow-away crew hard at work to ruin your day. What’s more, while en-route you can deal with the paper work or safely make those essential phone calls.

Unlike taxis, which never seem to be around when you want them, your driver will be at your beck and call.

For very special occasions you might go the whole hog and rent a chauffeur-driven Rolls Royce Silver Spirit from a company like Cameo Chauffeur Drive, www.cameoexec.com, that will cost you a six-hour day rate of £350 in London or £50 per hour of an evening.

Says Cameo’s Garry Higgins: “Our service includes set-down and collections at all airports, jet parks and heliports. We use the latest technology to track all flights while they are in the air and through to landing so we can ensure proper meet and greet for the passenger as he or she emerges from the customs hall.

Chauffeurs UK, tel: +44 (0)20 8404 2356, www.chauffeur-limo.com, believe professionalism is key, said a spokesman: “We understand that the image we project must reflect our clients’ own high standards and expectations. Our chauffeurs are carefully chosen for their personal standards – they must have smart appearance, be skilled drivers and possess extensive route knowledge and they need to be fully trustworthy so business clients can be confident that overheard conversations will remain totally confidential. Smoking is a total no-no for our drivers and we ensure our vehicles are always presented in immaculate condition.”

Should you really want to impress, why not drive yourself but turn up in a brand, spanking new hired Ferrari or vintage E-Type Jaguar? – or you could even rent James Bond’s Aston Martin – not the DB5 in the movies but the actual British racing green DB3 that Ian Fleming wrote about in the novels. Now, that will impress…

An industry perspective: Claremont Executive Services
Although Claremont Executive Services is one of London’s leading chauffeur hire companies they are regarded as one of the capital’s best kept secrets. Traditionally they have only supplied their services to the likes of royalty, heads of state and artists from the entertainment industry but in recent years, due to popular demand, have expanded their profile bringing their chauffeur driven expertise to many of London’s five star hotels, fortune 500 companies and direct to the public sector.

Claremont’s humble origins began in the late seventies with two entrepreneurs; William Neivens and Stuart House who in their own words were very dissatisfied with the level of service chauffeur firms were offering at the time and were encouraged to open their own chauffeur hire company. Since then they have grown from a two car enterprise into a company with a fleet of over 60 vehicles providing services on a multi-national level. When asked, what in your opinion sets you apart from the others, the managing director of Claremont, Jason Ipekdjian answered, “Claremont was built on five principles: refinement, assistance, reliability, discretion and above all safety. By never compromising on these values and simply by listening to our customers, we have managed to constantly maintain a high level of customer satisfaction and develop new clientele. We also take the attitude that nothing is to great, the full resources of our company are always at the disposal of our clients, whether they need a ticket for Wimbledon, a fine rare whisky or a private jet, their needs will always be met.

The company’s world class fleet, although predominately Mercedes Benz consists of such marques as BMW, Bentley, Maybach and Rolls Royce but they pride themselves in being able to provide you with your vehicle of choice whatever that may be. The company’s chauffeurs are second to none. They are career men with extensive local knowledge and driving skills, comparable to an expert driver, personal assistant, concierge all rolled into one.

In conclusion, though Claremont is merely a name, the word executive means, “having the function to carry out the plans or orders of others.” This sums up the company very accurately as they do this with pride and enthusiasm. If you are still not convinced why not put them to the test yourself next time you are in London.

The flexible grape

Maybe it’s the thought of sultry summer days, but as soon as spring arrives, I start hankering for Asian foods; delicate rows of sushi and sashimi, spicy prawn curries peppered with lemon grass and coriander, chicken infused with cardamom and cumin. What this usually means is a fight over what to order alongside the dishes; Tiger or Tsing Tao beer, or an Alsace gewurztraminer. Beer has definitely won the majority vote when it comes to a good curry, but – not surprisingly – I think we are too quick to put the corkscrew away. You just have to follow a few rules when it comes to matching highly perfumed foods with wine. Because Asian food often emphasises contrast between flavours and textures, the classic grapes of cabernet sauvignon and chardonnay aren’t an easy match, especially the bigger, more alcoholic styles. As a rule, the best wines for Asian foods are those with lower levels of alcohol, more gentle tannins, crisper acidity, or even a small amount of residual sugar. And while gewurztraminer is an excellent match, it’s just too easy to always reach for the same bottle whenever your food has a hint of soy sauce. There are many lesser known grapes that are undergoing a revival at the moment, and it’s an area that rewards experimenting – although I haven’t included it in this list, I had an amazing Ribero del Duero red with shabu shabu beef and Japanese mushrooms the other night that was just gorgeous.

Ravenswood Old Vines Zinfandel 2004, £7.50 
A gorgeously smoky nose from this Sanoma Valley wine. This has real depth of flavour, and is a beautiful example of a zinfandel, with very round sour cherry fruit and a good structure. It’s literally a sweet and sour wine – it starts with savoury overtones would perfectly suit shredded duck pancakes, but then an underlying sweetness kicks in mid palate that would bring out the best of a plum dipping sauce.

Bellingham Chenin Blanc, the Maverick 2004, £ 8.54 
This South African chenin blanc started off with a slightly one dimensional flavour profile, but had a lovely honey sweetness that made me persevere, and a seductive mix of lemon freshness with sweet oak. I don’t suggest pairing it with any really strong spicy flavours, or it could be overpowered; it would bring out the best in a Thai mango salad, or even a Chinese-style chicken with black bean sauce. Having said that, I had it with a spicy prawn stir fry and it started to take on a really good kick after a bit of garlic and ginger.

La Rose Bellevue 2006, Premieres Cotes de Blaye, Cuvée Tradition, £6.99 (approx)
From the often overlooked Premieres Cotes de Blaye region of Bordeaux, this lovely sauvignon blanc is unoaked, so make the most of its clean, fresh flavours with sashimi or sushi. There’s also an excellent lightly oaked version (Cuvée Prestige) that is perfect with the rounder flavours of Chinese food.

Bonterra Viognier 2005, £17 (approx)
Organically grown wine from Mendocino County in California. This is highly floral, with lovely notes of elderflower, gooseberry and Turkish delight. There are so many delicate flavours going on that anything too hot and spicy might be a shame, but this will stand up to layers of lemongrass and subtle flavour infusions. I had it with crab and prawn spring rolls, but it would be an equally good match for a fragrant Thai curry.

Brampton 2005 Viognier, £ 8.99
Another viognier, this time from South Africa. It’s hard not to keep recommending this grape; just such a gorgeous, mix of honeysuckle, lemon and rose, and brilliant for Asian food (I had it with a Thai prawn curry, with ginger and garlic) because its flavours are just so zesty and full of life. Incidentally, some people think this grape is related to gewurztraminer because of its aromatic and slightly floral qualities – so this is a good way to keep the gewurztraminer link with Asian foods, but also trying something a little bit fresher.

Petale de Rosé Chateau la Tour de l’Eveque £9.00
Why is rosé wine so underused with Asian dishes? It has a natural sweetness and high acidity and more body than many whites. Regine Sumeire makes beautifully ragrant, lightly colour roses from this Provencal domaine, and you’re going to be very popular if you bring it out at a dinner party with a lightly spiced Indian prawn puri.

Mad Fish Reisling £7.95
Okay, so reisling is almost as well traveled as gewurtraminer when it come to matching with Asian food, but trying this Australian version rather than a sweeter German reisling makes a good change. There is gorgeous acidity in this wine, but also real character. It’s very adaptable, working across a range of Asian foods, from chicken and pork satay to ramen, to a spicy phad thai.

Three Choirs 2005 Stone Brook, £5.95
An English wine with an delicate, almost appley flavour. The nose is beautifully aromatic, although it loses some grip and depth on the palate. Would go well with Cantonese-style pork ribs, as the sweetness would draw out the flavour of the pork.

Smooth operator

The average man will shave more than 20,000 times throughout his life and with modern man’s growing preoccupation with his physical appearance shaving will always remain at the forefront of any man’s grooming regime. Preparation is key to any clean shave so use a facial cleanser or exfoliator to get rid of any dead skin cells and help prepare the skin. Timing is crucial so ideally wait until after you have showered for optimum results as the steam from the shower will open pores and swell the hair shaft making it softer and easier to shave.

A close shave
Applying shaving oil is crucial to achieving a baby soft shave as it will help soften the beard, offer the skin maximum protection for shaving and help ease the razor’s glide across the hair. Grooming expert and founder of The Perfect Shave salon and website, Robert  Gillespie recommends applying the pre-shave oil to skin that has been patted dry. “Pour the equivalent of a £1 coin into the palm of the hand and massage the pre-shave oil into the beard going against the grain. This will lift the hair from the skin, and open the pores enabling a closer more comfortable shave,” he recommends.  Ren Tamanu High Glide Shaving oil, £15 (www.lookfantastic.com) is perfect to lubricate the skin and is specially formulated with 100 percent pure plant oils to provide a smooth, easy shave while minimising post-shave dryness and irritation.

Before you begin your shave, thoroughly massage shaving cream or gel into the stubble as this will help to soften the beard. Choose a vitamin E or aloe vera based shaving cream or gel that will help protect against razor rashes and burns. King of Shaves Ultragel ULX, £3.99 (Boots stores nationwide) is ideal for more sensitive skintypes as it contains skin cooling menthol, essential oils and soothing aloe vera and vitamin E.

To achieve a perfect shave, choose a razor that suits your style. If you are pressed for time, use an electric razor and dry shave for instant results. The new Smart Control3 from Braun, from £45 (Boots stores nationwide) is ideal for this and is a classy addition to any bathroom shelf. Its unique three stage cutting system is designed to capture hair growing from different directions offering a closer finish.

For the cleanest cut, you cannot beat the trusty wet shave. There are many different varieties available today from the more traditional double edge blades to the latest multi blade technology promising the ultimate finish. Whichever you choose, be sure to use short and slow strokes and always shave with the grain as going against it will cause irritation to the skin. Try and change blades after every two or three shaves for maximum results.

Directions wise according to the www.theperfectshave.com, Start shaving on the cheek areas first moving inwards towards the mouth. Leave the moustache and chin areas until last. The hair in this area is the stiffest on the face and requires more time for the shaving cream to soften. After shaving the cheek areas move onto the neck area, and finally back to the moustache and chin area.

The after effect
Give your skin a refreshing drink post shave with a soothing (alcohol-free) balm. Check the ingredients list for soothing ingredients like aloe vera, chamomile to help prevent any irritation. Elave shave balm £7.49 (www.elave.co.uk) will calm freshly shaved skin as it is free from common skin irritants which leave the skin aggravated making it ideal for sensitive skin.  It also contains calming aloe vera to soothe sensitive skin.

Tipping point

The waiter on San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf had the bounce of a ballet dancer, the cheeky pout of a Graham Norton, and the forked tongue of a particularly disingenuous cobra.

I’d just ordered a bottle of wine at $53 for myself and a client.

It happened to be the second cheapest priced on the menu, but none the worse for that.

But American waiters work on tips, and tips are percentages of a total. The Bay City’s answer to Boy George could see someone on a business lunch where expense, he assumed, was no object.

He intended to fatten the tip by embarrassing me into picking a much more expensive wine.

He looked down his retrousse nose: “I wouldn’t recommend that one sir. Not a good choice.”

I glared at him with not entirely fake menace: “Well if you wouldn’t recommend it what the hell is it doing on the wine list?”

Bombastic bluff called he collapsed in a blubbering heap of apologies and expiations, and from that moment on did as he was told without editorial comment on my choices. He’d got the message. I was in charge, not him.

Eating out on business is like feeding with sharks. You’re fighting a battle of wills to get what you want and not get ripped off or made to look stupid.

So you’ve got to show them straight away who is boss.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been presented with an inaccurate bill, presumably on the basis that I either won’t check it, or won’t dare to appear mean or foolish in front of a client by querying it.

Bad mistake. I work hard for my money and I don’t waste it.

The nerve of these culinary con artists can be breathtaking though. A restaurant in Burgos once had the cheek to add a bottle of champagne to my bill, when we’d clearly been drinking (expensive) claret.

Give the maitre d’ his due, he certainly had cojones. When I queried it he looked me coolly in the eye like he was a matador facing off against a particularly troublesome bull who refuses to lower his neck for the sword thrust.

“Senor surely had champagne as an aperitif?”

Experience has told me the best response to breathtaking lies is silence. I met his stare unflinchingly, and he read my expression which warned: Death in the afternoon, Manuel, if you keep this up, and I don’t mean lending you my Hemingway.

At last he averted his eyes, bowed, flipped the bill like it was a cape, and said unctuously: “I shall remove the item immediately, senor.”

The scams are legendary and watching for them can get wearying. And it’s not just padded bills.

If I hear, ‘Do you have a reservation?’ once more from a po-faced man standing in front of a sea of empty tables at seven in the evening, I’ll vomit in the finger bowls.

I have a Gordon Ramsay-like f-word phrase for how I feel about eating out for business.

Fed up.

To contact Stuart White email stuartwhite383@btinternet.com

On a wing, without a prayer

Jean Paul Sartre memorably said: “Hell is other people.” Sartre must have been a frequent flyer. I’d go a step further than JP, for me Hell is the person in the airline seat next to you. These airborne irritants come in many shapes and sizes, and every business traveller knows them. There’s the Enormously Fat Person. The Bore. Smelly Socks. The Noisy Workaholic. The – I’ll be polite – Flatulence King. And just occasionally the I’m-Terribly-Famous-For-God’s-Sake-Don’t-Speak-To-Me, Celebrity.

I once sat, eyes glazed over on a BA leg to Bangkok, as a widowed grandmother from Derbyshire en route to Queensland told me not only her life story, but that of her daughter, Australian son-in-law, and their extended family. Complete with snapshots. Polite nods, eventual yawns, the arrival and departure of several meals, even me raising a large hardback book to my face couldn’t faze this lady. By the time I stumbled off in Thailand I could have gained a PhD in the life history of the Middletons, both the Matlock and Brisbane branches.

An empty seat next to you – especially if you’re slumming it in Economy – can be the promise of paradise. Until that final moment before they close the doors, and you clap eyes on a huge, portly individual, arms festooned with packages, waddling down the aisle, breathless and red-faced in search of a seat. Surely she can’t be sitting next to you? She is, matey. You just lost not only the elbow room next to you, but half your own too. She slumps and spreads like a collapsing sand dune, and you have no feeling on your squashed right side for two days.

Marginally less annoying – but still a pain – is The Workaholic. Hey, baby, he’s telling the world, only mortals need sleep. It may be 4am over Siberia and you’re trying to grab some shut-eye, but Mr Business Motivation 2006 has his light on, and so your attempts at sleep are soundtracked by the frantic chatter of the laptop keyboard, the rustling of papers from his voluminous briefcase and the less-than-sotto voce notes mumbled into his Dictaphone. Then there’s the guy with the – ahem – wind problem. He knows he’s done it, everyone else in the enclosed cabin certainly knows that he’s done it, and yet we are all forced by the norms of polite society to sit in silence while our nose hairs burn away.

And finally there are the minor celebs. I’ve got a message for them: If you think you’re so famous it’s a hassle mixing with the rest of us in First or Business Class then do us all a favour: Get your own plane! My professional life has thrust me unwillingly up against enough celebrities and their egos that I’ve no wish to ever meet another. So when I was comfortably ensconced in Virgin Upper, and one of the stars of The Full Monty suddenly appeared next to my seat, it was one for the Who-Gives-a-Damn department. But I’d forgotten I was a mere mortal. There was no “Excuse me, I need to sit next to you.” He simply grunted and pointed. I politely got up and let him sit down. He then did a Full Monty foot striptease. Off came his boots. Then his thick woolly socks. Maybe I’m overly olfactorily sensitive, but I detected a foot odour.

After settling in he gave me the kind of look that says: “Don’t you dare demand my autograph or even speak to me you nonentity.” I gave him one back that I hoped conveyed an utter lack of interest in either option. When he needed to go to the bathroom, he’d get up, grunt and make a gesture with his arm. The trauma of the celeb lifestyle had clearly prompted a regression to the communication skills of Cro-Magnon man. I was once on the same transatlantic flight as Chris Evans and his then wife Dr Who star Billie Piper. Snuggled under their blankets they slept cuddled up like Babes in the Wood. Aaah… But, bad news for anyone with hopes of sharing a blanket with the lovely Ms Piper – she snores.

To contact Stuart White email stuartwhite383@btinternet.com

Family folly

I’ve lapped the luxurious cream of business travel for more than 30 years. Flying First and Club, being met by chauffeur-driven limos, staying at top hotels. But like every business traveller, at some point I have to go away with the family and get dragged kicking and screaming into the demoralising and downright humiliating reality of the package holiday. It happened again in August when I was persuaded I needed a holiday with my loved ones somewhere in the sunshine. Forget Heathrow. Forget Gatwick. Even Luton would have been a luxury. We were forced to fly from East Midlands Airport, 95 miles up the M1. And as it was a last minute deal it was Ticket on Departure.

We stood for an hour in a queue to wait for the holiday firm counter to open, in order to get the tickets to join another 30-minute long queue to check in. To make it worse, that day we’d discovered on the internet something the travel agent had failed to tell us: The foreign charter airline with which we were flying had actually been BANNED from landing in three European countries the previous year (Libel laws prevent me from naming it). We crowded on and settled in Knees-up-to-Your-Chin class.

Chilled champagne and smoked salmon? Yeh right! We had to settle for a glass of rough red and some cold pasta. We jolted down at 3am. No Fast Track. Just Snails’ Pace as we queued in a sweltering Aeropuerto del Dumpo somewhere in the Mediterranean. I’ve been used to limos, or at least a big comfortable Mercedes taxi. Not here, just the teenage holiday rep and a coach. Despite the fact that I was travelling before this girl with an accent like chalk scraping down a blackboard was even an optimistic sperm seeking ovum with GSOH, I had to tolerate being lectured like I was a moronic child on a day trip to Boulogne. Don’t drink the water. Don’t get too much sun. Watch the foreign food.

We reached Hotel Hades as dawn crept over the horizon. A bored receptionist was checking in 25 people, and we were last in line. Half an hour later, struggling with our luggage, we opened the room door. The family suite we’d booked was the size of a dog kennel and had two tiny single beds. My partner burst into tears. My daughter started to sob in sympathy. The mother’s look threatened: Get it sorted. I stormed back down the seven flights of stairs (the one Albanian-made lift being out of order) to confront the receptionist. He yawned: “Change rooms in morning.” I told him he’d change our rooms NOW. We trudged with luggage down three flights of stairs to the room we should have been given in the first place. By breakfast time we were exhausted from missing sleep and famished from lack of in-flight food. I tried to dial room service. I didn’t understand the language but I certainly got the message. With no room service forthcoming, we joined the queue at the buffet downstairs, skidding on dropped baked beans while fat English kids in Manchester United shirts pushed past us with eight sausages on their plate. We moved to the pool.

I once sunbathed within 15ft of Julia Roberts at the Bel Air Hotel in LA. Now I lay on a threadbare towel surrounded by obese couples all plastered with Beckham-sized tattoos and smoking furiously. That night I asked for the wine list. The choice was a red that looked like a bad nose bleed, or a white that could have stripped paint. In desperation we grabbed a taxi to a nearby restaurant hoping to sample some authentic local cuisine. It was run by a bloke from Hemel Hempstead and was replete with a TV showing a Chelsea game and some authentic football fans screaming lager-fuelled abuse at the opposition. I was vaguely aware I was in Spain, or Greece, or maybe Turkey? But it might as well have been Blackpool. We got back to our cell – sorry, room – and my daughter collapsed from exhaustion. I thought with self-pity: How are the travel-mighty fallen. My partner and I squeezed onto the tiny balcony and slugged down duty-free Baileys in an attempt at oblivion. She took my hand in hers: “Darling, I’m so glad we could get away. You needed a holiday.”

To contact Stuart White email stuartwhite383@btinternet.com

Risking detention

I was on my second glass of chilled champagne. Mozart was soothing me through the earphones. Rio de Janeiro was many, many hours away. The British Airways flight attendant with the retrousse nose and the home-counties accent gently laid down the small table-cloth in a diamond shape and started to set out the caviar and prawn hors d’oeuvre in a lustrous china dish.

That’s when it happened. I moved to gently ease my table nearer to me, slightly moving the cloth as I did. She leaned over, took my hand and SMACKED it! “Naughty boy! It’s meant to be a diamond shape, don’t alter it.” Naughty boy? I was 44 years old. She smacked my hand? A complete stranger supposed to be serving me in the 747 British Airways Club Class cabin, for which I’d paid about six grand return, just smacked me like I’d been caught stealing a jelly baby. I’ve heard of these weird vice dens where grown men like to be treated like erring schoolboys, but I never thought I’d see such behaviour replicated 35,000ft in the sky.

I was so shell-shocked that I didn’t even complain. It was only later I confessed to myself that, like a lot of travellers, following such bruising encounters with female flight attendants I’d become scared stiff of them. Maybe it’s the uniforms, the hats, the crisp white blouses, all summoning up the starched, flare-nostriled spectre of the primary school head-mistress whose every word was law? It seems there’s a whole race of airborne harridans out there that take a delight in humiliating men. It’s almost jobsworth in its psychology: “Just because you’ve paid a small fortune for this seat means nothing you grotty little man. This is MY plane and I tell you what you can and can’t do.”

I once wandered out of Upper Class on Virgin to stretch my legs on a New York flight. I thought I’d do one lap of the plane; Deep Vein Thrombosis protection and all that. I encountered the food trolley doling out the usual junk to the poor sods in Economy. The dyed-blonde flight attendant with the estuarial accent turned on me: “Didn’t you ‘ear the annahncment? You’re not s’posed ta git up durin’ food service.”

I told her politely I was in Upper Class, and was just stretching my legs. Upper Class? The two words brought out all the latent snobbery in her. Oh, I wasn’t one of the plebs? She gulped. Her face went through this awful transformation from snarling chav to polished passenger charmer and she wheedled like Dickens’ Mr Quilp: “Oh, aym sorry. Hay ‘adn’t realised. Let me move the trolley for you…”

A colleague of mine was so infuriated by the rudeness of one of Croatian Airlines staff that the flight ended in a bizarre slanging match of insincere salutations: “Have a nice day!” “No, YOU have a nice day.” “No, YOU have a nice day.”

Thank God it was only Zagreb-London or we could have been in the Guinness Book of Records for the number of venomous compliments ever delivered at 625mph. My bladder bursting I once had to side-step a Laker Skytrain stewardess standing like a rugby full-back in front of the bathroom. They’d left the seat belt sign on for three hours on a run between LA and London, and were physically blocking people from going to the toilets. In these security-sensitive times I’d have been arrested on landing.

Why are they like this? Because they hate the job. It’s not glamorous. Short-haul you’re a waitress on her feet all day in a crowded, pressurised cafeteria. Long haul – you get to spend two nights in New York but have permanent jet-lag that causes premature aging. Sometimes the bitterness spills out; I once boarded a Delta Airlines flight Los Angeles-Honolulu, with my then baby daughter and her mother. We had problems getting the baby seat belt fastened. The plane started to taxi. The flight attendant shouted at us to sit down. We told her we couldn’t get our daughter secured safely. “I have been up since 4am sir,” she screamed at me, “and frankly I don’t care if your baby is secured safely or not. JUST SIT DOWN!”

I’m Mandy – miserable, stressed, angry and authoritarian. Fly me!

To contact Stuart White please email stuartwhite383@btinternet.com

The travesty of business travel

Yes, YOURS, the business traveller. And mine too as it happens.

I think it’s time for us to stay at home more, because all this travel is long on prestige, luxury and spending – but short on efficiency.

My bona fides first: I’ve spent more than forty years jumping on and off planes, racing to hotels, straining at bad telephone connections, tearing out what little hair I have left over computer malfunctions, constricting my bladder at tedious meetings, and making my jaw ache being polite at social functions with a business purpose.

Maybe then we had to do it, but now I can’t see for the life of me why 75 percent of it is necessary.

A soccer analogy here that I think is relevant. In 2008, at the  Euro football championship, BBC’s soccer experts sat in an elegant studio in Vienna with views of marvellous colonnaded buildings.

But the matches themselves were down the road – in Vienna itself, in Klagenfurt, Innsbruck; in Basel, Geneva and Zurich in Switzerland. The panel watched it all on TV.

They could just as easily have done it from Shepherd’s Bush. It’s about symbolism. They felt they had to do their punditry in one of the countries in which it was being played, even if they weren’t actually at the matches.

They didn’t. Only pride and a sense of grandeur made the BBC incur enormous expense so their panel could watch a game on TV in Vienna they could just as easily have watched in London.

A lot of business trips now are no different. I recently went to France to do some property negotiating – and frankly I could have done it all by computer and/or teleconference from London.

With e-mail, videophones and the instant transmission of documents it seems to me less and less necessary to trek out to an airport, go through the nightmare that passes for security, then sit on a plane for hours and hours. Not to mention the expense to the company.

Be honest – isn’t there just a hint of the freebee jolly in a lot of the trips we go on these days? Isn’t the sad truth about us that we rather like the image of ourselves as tired, jet-lagged and hard-pressed businessman as we total up our air-miles and take a breather from strained marriages and fractious kids?

If I hear another executive complain to me about travel as he guzzles down more free champagne and stows the complimentary wash kit in his briefcase I’ll spit out my hors d’oeuvre.

Maybe it was that three and a half hour delay at Montpellier coming back that’s put me in a sour mood – that and the 45 minute wait for the baggage at Gatwick.

But are we all going the way of the dinosaur – and deserve to?

To contact Stuart White please email stuartwhite383@btinternet.com

Travel goes green

One of the criticisms levelled after the Boxing Day tsunami of 2004 struck south-east Asian shorelines was that the devastation could have been far less if mangroves had not previously been torn down to make way for development.

The World Conservation Union highlighted Sri Lanka, for instance, where many mangrove forests had been felled to make way for tourist resorts.Indeed, all Indian Ocean nations affected have systematically destroyed mangrove forests over the past 20 years, wiping out one of their most effective shields.Now governments in Malaysia, India, Sri Lanka, Indonesia and Thailand plan to spend millions of dollars replenishing what previously grew naturally.

Many tourist resorts are still quiet a year after the catastrophe and residents will wait to see if investors will rebuild.

Sustainable tourism, including sustainable hotels, is what is called for and, indeed, The International Tourism Partnership (ITP), the tourism programme of his International Business Leaders Forum (IBLF), had already sought to encourage all sectors of the global travel and tourism industry to pursue sustainable goals even before the tsunami increased consciousness of the issue.

The Business of Tourism Management, by John Beech and Simon Chadwick, published by Pearson Education, provides a succinct definition of sustainable tourism: it is economically, socio-culturally and environmentally sustainable. With sustainable tourism, socio-cultural and environmental impacts are neither permanent nor irreversible, it says.There is no shortage of willingness among the hotel industry, according to Lyndall de Marco, executive director of ITP.

But she says the difficulties hoteliers have is they do not own the land and the buildings. “…When the developers do the wrong thing it’s the operators that have to bear the consequences,” she says. “The hotel community has said it wants to do the right thing but it doesn’t make the decisions. The industry has put its hands up but can’t do anything if the developers are not interested.”  

Thirty-eight of the world’s top banks committed themselves in June 2003 not to lend money to any business whose plans could impact negatively on the environment or community. They signed up to a voluntary set of guidelines, known as the Equator Principles, developed by the banks for managing social and environmental issues related to the financing of development projects. But she notes that 1,000 hotels are being built in China, for example, but by developers rather than operators – hence the need to convince the builders of the virtues of sustainability.

De Marco says one of the big problems is that no government has got in place sustainable development guidelines for their countries. They had “very ad hoc” environmental guidelines and not sustainable ones.“We need to do work with the developers but, remember, the developers will do what they want. I believe that it’s the industry and government that need to work together to make sure development is sustainable.”

She says the problem is a lack of information and the perception that anyone who talks about sustainability is “a greenie”.

Arthur De Haast, global chief executive of Jones Lang LaSalle Hotels, says you just need to look at where the big development is now such as the Middle East and China which are paying little attention to sustainability issues.

When tourism forecasts are taken into account, the need for developers to take a sustainable approach is all the more urgent.

The World Tourism Organisation forecasts international arrivals will surpass 1.56 billion in 15 years requiring ever more hotel construction which, campaigners say, the more sustainable the better. Jamie Sweeting, senior director, travel and leisure at Conservation International’s Centre for Environmental Leadership in Business, says individual hotel companies have been focusing on issues of sustainability with regards to internal management practices for many years. “But with tourism expanding rapidly on a global scale, there is a need for companies to also focus their efforts on integrating responsible practices at the development stage to ensure they have a positive impact.”

Fourteen hoteliers signed up last year to the first guiding principles for sustainable hotel design and development laid out in Sustainable Hotel Siting, Design and Construction, a technical book which cost £100,000 to put together, published by Conservation International and IBLF. This was the first time such information had been collated between two covers to help encourage sustainable development throughout the industry.

Among blue-chip names to sign up to the principles were Hilton, Accor, Carlson, Four Seasons, InterContinental, Marriott, Rezidor SAS, TAJ Hotels Resorts and Palace, and Starwood Hotels & Resorts Worldwide. All levels of hotel development are tackled in the book. It includes project inception – finance, creating and briefing the project team. It covers pre-design, including site selection, community consultation and involvement and environmental impact assessment.

There is plenty of good-practice evidence to be found: Hilton International’s Scandic operation opened its first Nordic hotel in 1999 under the Nordic Swan eco-label. The chain just four years earlier introduced the concept of the environmental room – hotel rooms in which the materials are chosen with consideration for the environment.

Only two years before it had developed the environmental hotel where the entire construction was founded on environmentally-friendly principles.

Further examples of sustainable tourism can be seen all over the world:  Finnish outbound tour operator Aurinkomatkat-Suntours began integrating sustainability measures into its supply chain system in 2000. It developed sustainability criteria for its partner hotels with priority given to water management and energy saving. French group Accor formalised its commitment to sustainable development in 2002 with the appointment of John Du Monceau, a member of the management board, to take charge of overseeing the policy.

Its Ibis Porte de Clichy hotel, in Paris, inaugurated a photovoltaic facade in October 2004, transforming sunlight into heat without generating any electricity. It generates enough power to light about 25 percent of the hotel’s rooms. The facade screens the sunlight which reduces the need for air conditioning. Other hotels in the group have solar heating panels heating an average of 40 percent of the hot water used in the equipped properties.

Marriott Hotel Group’s Renaissance Reading Hotel uses a combined heat and power plant to supply most of the energy required. The installation of a new urinal water efficiency system achieved further reductions in water consumption. It operates a comprehensive recycling scheme and all general waste is sent to a waste recovery facility.Other examples of sustainable development be found all over the world, such as, the Golden Sands Resort and Spa, in Malta, the ski resort of Whitepod Villars, in Switzerland and Kasbah de Toubkal, in the High Atlas Mountains, Morocco.

Sustainable tourism is certainly on the march but, as campaigners point out, there is still a long way to go.

Paris in a spin

A revolution takes place on the streets of Paris as the city launches Europe’s biggest bike-sharing scheme. More than 10,000 “free” cycles will are available at self-service stations across the French capital in a bid to transform Paris into a clean, green 21st-century utopia.

Anybody with a bank card will be able to borrow a bike: simply turn up at one of 750 stations (you will never be more than 300 metres away from one, it is claimed), swipe your card and type in your Pin. If you return the bike within half an hour, it’s free.

Cycle-share schemes have been tried before, without success. In Amsterdam, the bikes were left unlocked – before long, most had been stolen or tossed into canals. But the Paris scheme, called Vélib’, is more sophisticated: bikes are parked securely at kerbside stanchions and fitted with alarms. When you borrow one, a €150 deposit (about £100) will be held on your card. If you don’t return it to one of the stations within 24 hours, you’ll be billed.

Vélib’ is the latest attempt by the socialist mayor, Bertrand Delanoë, to persuade Parisians to kick their addiction to cars. It’s a bold scheme. By the end of the year there will be more than 20,000 bikes and 1,400 stations – all funded by street-level advertising. Other administrations are watching closely. If Vélib’ is a success, the idea could be aped across Europe.

Paris is slowly becoming less hostile to le vélo. Thanks to Delanoë’s enthusiasm for ripping up its roads, the city now has 370km of dedicated cycle paths and bike-friendly bus lanes. Signage is improving, and every Sunday, roads and bridges along the Seine are closed to motorised traffic, and swarm with cyclists and skaters. So, to test the waters, I spent last weekend pedalling around Paris – and got a sneak preview of the Vélib’. The bike itself is sturdy and comfortable, with a wide saddle, chain guard (no need for ugly bicycle clips), basket, bell and dynamo-powered front and rear lights. The hard tyres are virtually indestructible and the three-gear Shimano hub should cope easily with the city’s modest slopes. At 22kg, it’s not built for speed, but it is undeniably stylish, finished in pearl grey with a discreet multicoloured logo. I think Parisians will ride them with pride.

Now, the costs. After the first free half-hour, rental rises steeply: €1 (70p) for an hour, €3 for 90 minutes and €7 for two hours. There is also a fixed daily charge of €1 to use the scheme. This means if you plan to rent a bike for a full day, Vélib’ isn’t for you. But if you want to nip from cafe to shops to museums and back, it’s ideal.

The benefits of cycling in Paris extend beyond the environmental. On a bike you are free to create your own narrative and let caprice be your guide. Plus, of course, there is the deep satisfaction of knowing you are no longer subsidising the world’s rudest taxi drivers.

If you ride regularly in London, or just about anywhere else in urban Britain, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by the relaxed pace over there. Parisians pootle along sedately, like Oxford dons in 1950s films, determined not to work up a sweat. And perhaps because they don’t have a sliver of hard steel slicing into their buttocks – when it comes to saddles they favour something large and padded – they deport themselves with relative grace, not bellowing at pedestrians or punching cars.

On the other hand, they’re notoriously bad at paying attention to traffic signs. They jump red lights, ride on pavements and routinely go the wrong way up one-way streets. Until now, drivers and pedestrians have been surprisingly tolerant of this kind of behaviour, but with another 10,000 cycles appearing on the streets overnight, that could change.

So where should you start? If it’s a Sunday, head to the Seine, otherwise you may need to do a little homework. The city publishes a free map that shows the official cycle routes, but I found it more fun to explore unknown neighbourhoods.

Céline Esperin, who leads cycle tours of the city for a company called Paris à Vélo C’est Sympa!, says the key is to avoid the big roundabouts like the Place de la Bastille and the Arc de Triomphe. She recommends the historic streets of Le Marais, lined with fashionable cafes and boutiques.

I followed Céline through Le Marais, stopping in the gardens of the Place des Vosges before heading west past the Pompidou Centre into Beaubourg and Les Halles. Miraculously, we managed this without encountering a single busy road. And who would have guessed it was legal to cycle around the gardens of the Palais Royal and the courtyards of the Louvre?

For skinflint tourists, the real fun will come in dashing around the city looking for Vélib’ stations before the 30 minutes are up. In theory, there is nothing to stop you parking your bike at a station then hopping straight back onto another, so it should be possible to spend an entire weekend riding around without paying more than a euro a day.

If you venture out of the city centre you’ll find some great rides, such as the 4½km Promenade Plantée, a former railway line converted into a footpath and bike track. Straight and flat, it cuts a sylvan swathe through the eastern suburbs, taking you from the Bastille all the way beyond the Périphérique to the Bois de Vincennes, a vast wild park of woods, streams and boating lakes.

In the 10th arrondissement, you can cycle along the banks of the Canal St-Martin, gazing up at footbridges and peering into the windows of houseboats. Once you reach Place de Stalingrad, head right to one of the city’s most beautiful green spaces, the Parc des Buttes-Chaumont, a fairy-tale park of lakes, cliffs and wooded paths. From there, I cruised downhill through the former villages of Belleville and Ménilmontant, both fascinating and gritty districts rarely seen by tourists.

Handing back the bike was almost as painful as hailing a taxi to the Gare du Nord. “What do you think about Vélib’?” I asked the driver. Barely able to contain his rage, he flecked the windscreen with spittle and declared it “ une catastrophe”. How very wrong I hope he proves to be.