Into the white

Japan

You’ve just exited the Bullet Train, grabbed a bouquet of fresh flowers from a nearby vending machine and are solar-powering your mobile phone as you walk. It must be Japan – the country where on any given day, you could be eating a lunch cooked by robots, catching forty winks at a capsule hotel and storing your groceries in a specially designed, refrigerated locker.  

Travellers hungry for technology will be hard-pressed to beat the frenetic pace of Tokyo’s busy, neon-lit streets. A sprawling metropolis of mega billboards and TV screen-bedecked skyscrapers, the city’s humble beginnings as a fishing village have been replaced by the latest and greatest of just about everything; and the newness of it all has become one of the country’s biggest attractions.

Throughout Tokyo’s various districts, technology feels omnipresent. For starters, the transport on offer is some of the sleekest and most reliable in the world. The city’s trains are largely considered to be the best way to get around, as they are clean, safe and reliable – although usually pretty crowded too. Bullet trains are particularly useful because they travel at much faster speeds than trains in most countries, while the futuristic monorail system overhead is both efficient and fun. It is also worth using your commute to catch up on the latest news, weather and financial reports courtesy of the carriage’s LCD screens.

If you do opt to come into the city by car or bike, high-tech parking options include the use of conveyor belts that whip your vehicle off to an underground lot until you are ready to have it carried back up to you, leaving you with more time to explore what other technologies are in store.

The Ginza district, for instance, is a shopper’s haven – where everything from the latest, quirkiest fashions, to the most cutting-edge of electronic equipment is available in the many unique boutiques and sprawling department stores. The renowned, four-storey Sony Building (on Sukiyabashi Crossing) is the place to take a sneak-peek at the gadgets and gizmos that the rest of the world won’t be privy to for years, while the Bic Camera and Sofmap electronics department stores, as well as the Ginza Apple Store, are must-sees for techies. 

Throughout Tokyo, and much of Japan, it is evident that everything has been designed with the utmost convenience in mind. For instance, if you find yourself with some spare time following a cancelled meeting, you could opt to head to a capsule hotel, where individual pod-like spaces can be rented by the hour for a rest or lie-down. Alternatively, a robot could prepare you a sumptuous bowl of ramen noodles, ordered via the handy touch-screen menu embedded within your dining table, or you could simply grab a steaming bowl of soup from a handy nearby vending machine.
 
In fact, the sky’s the limit when it comes to technology and Tokyo’s skyscrapers are certainly testament to that. In Odaiba, one of Tokyo’s other major districts, you’ll find the sky-high Fuji TV Building, the Tokyo Big Sight Convention Centre, the 24-hour Tokyo Leisure Land gaming centre, and the popular Toyota MEGA WEB, where futuristic car technology, eco-friendly options and F1 developments are proudly showcased at the touch of a button. There’s no doubting this district as a technology-lover’s retreat, but Odaiba also offers alternative sight-seeing opportunities if the electronics of it all have become too much for you, including the celebrated (and stunning) Rainbow bridge, two of Tokyo’s unique beaches and the popular Museum of Maritime Science.     

If you are still hankering after more high-tech purchases, then you might as well head straight to Akihabara, on the eastern side of the central Chiyoda – an electronics Mecca that stocks just about everything imaginable. Nicknamed ‘Electric Town’, it’s not hard to understand why, as over 250 electronic stores sit side-by-side vying for business. It is important to bear in mind that many items won’t work outside of Japan and Asia, but just ogling at what is on offer will be enough for most. That said, not all the space-age wizardry is off limits, as retailers are careful to stock a number of items for Europeans – and many of these will still be light years ahead of what is available back home. 

The district’s main street, Chuo Dori Avenue, was originally developed as a retail area for home electronics, but recent trends have centred it on the Internet and Japan’s obsession with Otaku and Anime. In fact, in addition to the standard stores situated here, you will also find a number of animation-related establishments, including cosplay (‘costume play’) cafes, where waitresses are dressed up like anime characters, and manga kissaten (‘comic cafes’), where customers can read comics, watch DVDs and surf the net. While in the district, it might be fun to check out Tokyo’s Animation Centre, which pays homage to animation and gaming through a variety of demonstrations and events every day.

A good gateway, Akihabara can also be your link to other techno-obsessed parts of Japan. Tsukuba, (nicknamed ‘Science City’), a striking modern urban landscape, is about an hour outside of Tokyo on the Tsukuba Express Train. Both at home and abroad, it is largely recognised as Japan’s pre-eminent centre for science and technology.

With a population of around 200,000 it really is a city in its own right, carefully created to combine some of the best technologically-minded people in the world, as well as 33 national research centres, universities and over 250 private research institutes.

Those keen to glance into the future will do well to add this spot to their itinerary, and numerous accommodation options exist within the city itself for those wanting to make this their base. Tsukuba has plenty to offer, including the Tsukuba Information Centre, which details the history of the city as well as various exhibitions, and Cosmic Hall, one of the largest planetariums in the world. A convenient Tsukuba Science Tour Bus visits all eight of the city’s major sights 21 times a day.

Accommodation all over Japan is known to be excellent, with futuristic touches that make your stay all the more exciting. For instance, be sure to keep your eyes peeled as your enter your en-suite, as toilets in this part of the world generally do more than a bog-standard flush. Japan is undeniably the world-leader in toilet technology. In fact, you can expect your loo to wash you, self-clean and heat the seat, though more advanced models may even replace the toilet roll, play music and… blow dry your posterior. It’s early days, but toilet talk in Japan has rumoured that future advancements will allow medical sensors in your bog to measure your blood pressure, body fat content and pulse – before automatically passing this information on to your doctor via built-in internet cables.

And if multi-purpose toilets are all a bit much, then steer clear of another of Japan’s latest innovations – high-tech graveyards. Here, upon entering these new, city space-saving ‘cemeteries’, such as the Kouanji Buddhist temple in Tokyo, mourners are asked to insert a membership card before their loved one’s cremated remains are brought to them via a conveyer belt, for them to be honoured and remembered.

This, like much of what has been detailed here, may seem weird to some, but in Japan it is simply another high-tech solution to a problem posed by the fast-paced, space-strapped elements of modern living. Japan truly is a land of contrasts, where picturesque and historic temples sit beside glitzy skyscrapers, and iconic geishas mingle with modern anime-obsessed teens in high-tech sushi bars. But that is simply all part of Japan’s unfailing allure as a destination for today, and tomorrow.

When will we see an economic recovery?

The easy answer would be: nobody really knows. We are tentatively navigating through uncharted waters. No one knows what we should be comparing our current situation to, or the likely course back to normality.

Should we be comparing it to the Great Depression of the late 1920s and early 1930s? Or the situation that has existed in Japan for the last twenty years? Or Norway’s banking crisis of the last decade? Or are we all just being over cautious, and can assume that things will be back to normal soon?

The last scenario is the most unlikely. There have been many discussions about whether we are going to see a V-shaped recovery or a W-shaped recovery. If you’re like me, you’ll think this is economist speak for “we haven’t got a clue.” A V-shaped recovery would see things returning to normal sooner rather than later, while a W-shape maps a recovery where things get better, then worse, then better again. But given the extent of the financial crisis and the amount of money governments have had to invest to keep the financial system afloat, I don’t think the world can return to normal anytime soon. Each government is desperately trying to rebuild its own economy.

I suspect one of the other historical case studies is much more likely.

As we know Japan has not enjoyed the last twenty years. Sometimes it is difficult to understand why this is the case, given their all conquering ability to produce electronic goods that the world wants. However, they suffered the most enormous of bubbles twenty years ago, when property prices shot up to unbelievable levels and their stock market had a greater capitalisation than the US stock market. Since those halcyon days, property prices have crashed to between one and 10 percent of their bubble value, and the stock exchange continues to be in the doldrums. The banking system still has significant problems with bad loans, which seems to be a key factor in the problem dragging on. That is why we have had the talk about setting up bad banks so that the problem loans can be hived off – leaving the rest of the banks to get on with life as normal.

However, just when the Japanese economy finally seemed to be turning around, with inflation about to reappear, the problems in Europe and the US cut the Japanese recovery short. In fact, Japanese industrial production reduced to levels last seen roughly 20 years ago. Witnessing a generation’s growth taken away in a moment is truly frightening.

But the Norwegian scenario gives an interesting contrast. Here, the problem was that firstly, individuals and companies saved money and rebuilt their own balance sheet and secondly, the banks found it very difficult to lend as no one wanted their money. So in essence it took quite a while for a level of confidence to be reached whereby people began to spend rather than save, allowing businesses to grow and banks to increase the amount of their loans. But this wasn’t done in a few hundred days: it took many years to work through the pain and reach normality. Again, there are arguments that the Norwegian banks could have done more – but I do wonder if hindsight is 20/20 in this case.

The argument made regarding the Great Depression is that not enough was done by governments – especially in the US – to help liquidity and fund investment in the early stages. I think it is fair to say that this isn’t the case in the current situation as the liquidity supplied by the US, UK and European governments has been mind-boggling in its size.

So what do as I see as the most likely scenario? My feeling is that it is a very long road to recovery. The governments have hocked the future for the present and most people are saving as if their life depended on it. But it is the spare capacity that is going to be the hardest thing to overcome: production in some countries has been reduced by up to 20 percent, and with the resultant unemployment it is going to take a long time to reach last year’s levels of production. We also have exchange rates causing problems as the US dollar weakens against other currencies – meaning that these other countries’ exports become more expensive relative to the US’s. If we get back to where we were in the summer of 2008 within five years I would surprised. I wouldn’t bet against 10 years. I hope I am wrong.

Charles Purdy is a director at Smart Currency Exchange ­– international payment specialists.

It’s not easy being green

Green travel – or sustainable travel, or ecotourism, or any number of pseudonyms – focuses on holidays that minimise the impact on the local environment and culture. Good green travel companies emphasise sustainable practices over maximising their bottom line. This can include recycling water, offsetting carbon emissions, and positively supporting the local culture.

The argument for ecotourism is that with over a billion people travelling internationally each year, there is an enormous environmental impact, including more than just extra water and fuel. Unregulated tours overpopulate some destinations, leaving wildlife areas trashed, crowded and marred with excessive roads. Neither tourists nor the native people benefit from these spoiled habitats. The essence of sustainable travel is to create an enjoyable vacation that benefits the locals but doesn’t harm the land.

But finding green companies can be a difficult affair: just because a company claims a green standard, doesn’t make it so. Doing a little bit of legwork can confirm that one’s travel dollars really are supporting sustainable travel: here are four essential qualities that a good green travel company will consider.

Environmental impact. Do they use small, less intrusive group sizes? Are they proactive in minimising their carbon footprint? Do they emphasise the ‘Leave No Trace’ principles in their trips? Companies that they partner with, like the local hotels, should also be geared toward conservation.

Cultural impact. It is important that the travel company shows respect for local culture and highlights its traditions. Not only is this beneficial to the native people, but it provides a more authentic trip.

Economic impact. Do they support the local economy? Hotels, tours, and transportation companies owned locally are a few of the businesses they might work with. This gives a more genuine experience, removing the sterile feel of a worldwide chain, and keeps more money in the local economy.

Certificates or memberships. There are a number of organisations that promote sustainable travel. For example, the International Ecotourism Society promotes environmental conservation throughout its worldwide network of members.

There are also a number of established and respected green companies that travellers can fall back on. WWF – the World Wildlife Fund – has expanded its mission to include travel. Specialised trips are available in many exotic locations, highlighting indigenous people and wildlife. As an added bonus, portions of the trips also benefit this amazing organisation.

Adventure Life was identified by National Geographic as one of the best adventure travel companies on earth: offering tours to South and Central American destinations, as well as Antarctica tours, it prides itself on offering excellent expeditions with a high standard of sustainable travel. ResponsibleTravel.com offers one of the largest selections of eco-friendly travel, including luxury tours and safaris. Locations are available worldwide, and there are also a number of special interest trips to choose from.

Being a green traveller means more than finding the right provider. The ‘Leave No Trace’ slogan provides a simple message – take only photographs and leave only footprints – but means much more. Nature should be respected, and wildlife admired at a distance. Respect should be shown for locals, too: be sensitive to other cultures and their differences, and always ask before taking photographs.

Green travellers should remember what they practise at home. Recycle where possible, take short showers to save on hot water, and use alternative transportation like walking and biking. While it is tempting to indulge on holiday, remember that it’s perfectly possible to have a great experience and be responsible at the same time.

These are just a few of the things that travellers can do. Green travel can offer a new way to travel, and the adventure of a lifetime. One can experience new cultures, see amazing wildlife, or just relax on the beach. Whatever one’s reason for travelling, green is the way to go.

Beth Conway is a travel writer and marketing director for Adventure Life. She has travelled all over the world, from the mountains of Alaska’s Denali Park to the jungles of Belize. Her ideal next destination is Antarctica.

The best laid plans of mice and men

Are you sitting comfortably? Then we’ll begin with the question: how can I get a better airline seat without paying more?

First, a warning for the faint-hearted: the quest for a better seat does not exactly bring out the finest of qualities in people. Take my experience on a recent 13-hour overnight flight. A few days before the flight, I logged onto the airline’s website and chose an economy seat that I knew had a little extra legroom and would not be disturbed by fellow passengers lurching their way to the bathroom during the night. After three days of working around the clock, I considered this nothing less than seat heaven.

You can probably imagine my smugness as I settled down in the seat, looking forward to the luxury of a few hours’ sleep (I did warn you that this subject does not bring out the best in people, but let’s continue).
As I sat there, at peace with my seat, I heard a voice at my shoulder.

“’Allo,” said the middle-aged backpacker looming over my seat. He was French, and looked a little like Bob Dylan, though without Dylan’s, er, suave dress sense.

A little taken aback at this unsolicited greeting, I nodded to him and went back to the inflight video guide. Among the many gems on offer was a documentary on the evergreen Everly Brothers.

“A-llo!” A little nearer this time; enough for me to catch a powerful whiff of his natural eau de bac-pac. “Could I sit ’ere?”

Before I could stop myself, I heard myself saying, “Sorry, but I booked this particular seat last week.”
A pause.

“But I would like to have seat with my girlfriend,” he implored. He gestured to a much younger woman who had the look of a budding Charlotte Rampling. She, apparently, had the seat next to mine. It was clear that Bob expected me to jump straight out of the seat, so he could begin a 13-hour love-in with Charlotte.

I sat there like a character from one of those classic old cartoons – an angel on one shoulder, a devil on the other – listening bemused to their conflicting ethical counsel. At that moment, the little devil was winning.

Then Bob enlisted the help of a flight attendant. 

“This man,” he told her, gesturing at me, “he is not giving up ’is seat!”

Then he delivered the killer line: “My girl and me, we just wanna be togezer.”

By know le tout cabin were lowering their newspapers and staring in my general direction.

With all the grace I could muster (not much, I confess), I made the long, lonely journey across the aisle.

Bye-bye seat, bye-bye happiness. Hello emptiness. I thought I was going to cry.

Clearly, I can’t give you any tips on fending off emotional blackmail by fellow passengers. But I can offer a few tips on bagging a decent seat.

1. Do your research. Tap ‘airline seat advice’ into your favourite search engine. There are several great sites offering advice on exactly which seats to choose, and which to avoid.
2. Be early. That means booking early, checking in online early and getting to the airport early.
3. Choose your words carefully. If you ask for ‘an exit row’, you may get nowhere. Be specific and ask for ‘14A’ or ‘16F’– whichever is the appropriate row. Also, asking for ‘an upgrade’ will usually fail, while asking politely whether ‘a better seat is available’ might sometimes succeed.
4. Avoid the rear of the plane, which is usually crowded, near the galley and washrooms (and, very occasionally, where low-risk prisoners are transported).
5. Finally, be nice. If you treat airline employees as fellow human beings, they might just reciprocate.

Which brings me back to Bob and Charlotte.

After giving up my seat, so they could be together in each other’s company for 13 hours, Bob and Charlotte’s relationship seemed to take a turn for the worse.

From what I could understand from their conversation, a little niggle between the two lovebirds just after take-off had turned into a full-scale disagreement by the time dinner was served.

That was followed by a rancorous argument while everyone else was watching the movie, and yet more bickering while the rest of the cabin was trying to sleep.

Which, I suppose, just goes to show: even a great airline seat isn’t guaranteed to make you happy.

Hywel Jones is a television producer who has travelled the world with the BBC and ITV. He now runs the international broadcast and corporate TV production company hi.tv. His favourite destination is San Francisco.

Pack of cards

Just like the emperor and his new clothes, Dubai has been busted and stripped entirely of its fineries. Naked and shamed, the emirate became subject to much critical scrutiny by the very institutions that fell over themselves to get a slice of the pie before the crisis hit.

Getting stick for going on an extravagant spending spree using stacks of borrowed cash from wealthy investors from the Middle East, Russia and the West, Dubai’s ruler Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid al Maktoum transformed Dubai into the most outlandish boomtown of our times, where ostentatious features such as palm shaped islands, seven star hotels and a skyline graced with cloud skimming tower blocks came to signify unparalleled prosperity. Lacking completely in inhibition, both financially and creatively, the speed at which Dubai rose from the sand dunes into a Gulf business hub set to rival the financial centres of London, New York and Hong Kong was staggering. Desperate to get in on the act, western banks and global mega brands elbowed their way in and helped put Dubai on the map.

Since Dubai’s natural resources are somewhat scarce – in stark contrast to the oil rich havens that are Saudi Arabia and Abu Dhabi – it was predicted for some time that the fantasyland with the awe-inspiring skyline would eventually fall flat on its face. When the recession hit, it came to light that Dubai had drummed up known debt of $80bn at the very least. Although world leaders ranging from Obama to Brown have commented on the crisis, the authorities of the United Arab Emirates remained tight-lipped, accusing foreign media of blowing the crisis out of proportion. This created further tensions between the west and the United Arab Emirates, with Dubai’s lack of transparency causing its own headlines.

The drama is far from over. The harshest blow came in November last year, when Dubai World urged creditors to bring its (approximate) $22bn debts to a standstill. Of this amount, Dubai World owes British banks an estimated $5bn, according to The Times. The news sent shockwaves through the global markets. Not slow to react, the much better-off emirate, Abu Dhabi, came to Dubai’s rescue in December, offering its troubled neighbour a lifesaving $10bn aid package. Following the cash injection, Dubai World retracted its repayment standstill at a crisis meeting held just before Christmas, where 90 creditors gathered to receive the positive news. There’s now a possibility that lenders will be repaid in full, but the damage that’s been done will be difficult to reverse. As Reuters put it, “Dubai’s reputation as a business hub could be tarnished.” Diluting the pulling power of Dubai further, Qatar and Oman are increasingly gathering momentum as viable business spots and may well overshadow Dubai in the near future.

So how did Dubai land itself in such a predicament, and how can it clean up its act? Englishman Anthony Ryman is a local expert and the Managing Director of Grow, a Qatar based advertising and design agency. Having witnessed the development of Dubai and the more refined cultivation of Qatar at close range, Mr Ryman presents his observations: “Part of the malaise is that Dubai wanted results too quickly. As with any boom and bust story, shortcuts were taken and too much money was borrowed, with too many real estate projects being built too quickly. I believe that the problems are temporary – Abu Dhabi won’t let Dubai fall. When it re-emerges, Dubai will continue growing, albeit at a steadier pace. Learning from the lessons of the recent past it is bound to make more astute decisions, exert more financial discipline and perhaps redefine what it really is and where it wants to go.” Offering a balanced viewpoint, Mr Ryman is critical of the way Dubai’s been slaughtered by the west: “It’s easy for the West to point fingers at Dubai now when it’s in trouble, but it can’t be denied that the city has done an extraordinary job transforming itself from a small trading port into a global destination in a matter of a few decades.”

Still a worthy business destination
Leaving Dubai’s financial turmoil and beaten up reputation to one side, the city is still a creditable business destination.

Architecturally there’s much to marvel about, be it in awe, bemusement or even mild disgust; Dubai is not called The Las Vegas of the Middle East for nothing. In its glory days it was said that as much as 15 to 25 percent of the world cranes were being used in Dubai. This piece of trivia shouldn’t come as any surprise to anyone who’s set foot in the city – in its developing heyday, the cranes formed as intrinsic a part of Dubai’s makeup as its sandy beaches and flashy hotel bars.

As for the city silhouette itself, the gleaming skyline peppered with an ever-mushrooming number of cloud skimming architectural curiosities give off more than a detectable whiff of testosterone and internally spurred one-upmanship. Beating the rest to it is the monstrously mighty Burj Khalifa, known until recently as the Burj Dubai and one of the most talked about skyscrapers in the world. Designed by Adrian Smith at Skidmore Owings and Merrill and developed by Emaar Properties, the tower is the world’s tallest free standing structure.

Officially opened in January in an astonishing display of pyrotechnics, it looks as though it’s been fuelled by some otherworldly growth hormone, standing 828m high. Speaking of bean pole-like buildings, another real estate project famed for its statuesque qualities is the Burj Al Arab Hotel. Bearing more than a passing resemblance to a gigantic sail, the building is the tallest hotel ever built on earth (it measures 321m). Significantly, it’s also the world’s only seven star hotel. The Jumeirah Mosque, meanwhile, is the largest of the city’s many mosques. With its twin minarets and majestic dome, Jumeirah is one of Dubai’s most photographed sights.

Another much buzzed-about landmark – although recently it has been attracting attention for all the wrong reasons – is Palm Jumeirah, one of Dubai’s three palm islands. Introduced to the world as a manmade haven set to house residential spaces, tourist attractions, hotel concepts and beaches, there are now concerns that Palm Jumeriah may be sinking into the Persian Gulf. According to a study carried out by the ground survey company, Fugro, Palm Jumeriah is making a slow but steady progress south, sinking roughly five millimetres each year.

Some of Dubai’s real estate projects may have flopped, but there are other architectural concepts in the pipeline with more substance than mere height or novelty value alone. Providing that Dubai will make a steady recovery, an even more convention breaking approach seems to be the ticket. Created by renowned architect Zaha Hadid, the much anticipated Signature Towers (formerly known as the Dancing Towers) will form part of the planned Business Bay Development. Designed to house offices, residential flats and a hotel, the three towers resemble octopus arms as they rise in fluid shapes above The Creek.

The Cloud is another project in the making, designed by Nadim Karam of Beirut based agency Atelier Hapsitus. Conceived to counteract the uniform skyline that is dominated by angular tower blocks and futuristic skyscrapers, The Cloud takes a rather poetic approach, something that is very much a signature of Atelier Hapsitus and that won’t go amiss in Dubai. “We like to think of The Cloud as the new Eiffel tower of the Middle East,” says Mr Karam. “It’s designed in a structurally and environmentally advanced way, and it will serve as a public platform hanging 300m above ground level and can be visited by all citizens and tourists of Dubai. It represents the idea of movement and nomads and includes a public park, a lake, restaurants, pavilions and other functions that can be shared by the public,” explains Mr Karam. On the crisis and Dubai’s particular approach to city planning, he observes: “Dubai hasn’t held back on the extravaganza, and it has certainly pushed the limits in terms of architecture. Although the developments have come to a standstill for the time being, I’m certain that the city will recover and learn from its mistakes, making a slower progress in the future.”

Off to the beach
Dubai’s beach culture is an integral part of the city and a definite tourist magnet; The Creek, the city’s natural harbour, is its crowning glory. Many of the beaches form part of different hotel resorts that line The Creek – most of which can be accessed for a small fee – although there are also a number of public beaches to explore. With its clean water, white sand and extensive range of facilities, Jumeriah Beach Park is among the most popular options. Another good choice is the Al Mamzar Beach Park, which stretches across a 100-hectare peninsula and encompasses a sheltered public beach, swimming pools, picnic areas and lush green spaces.

Whichever beach you end up opting for, bear in mind that Dubai is, despite its western facelift, a conservative Muslim emirate. Having stepped up their policing to closer match that of other emirates, Dubai’s authorities have re-evaluated what should be considered offensive behaviour and as a result more arrests than ever were carried out in 2009 (6,000, to be precise). Unfairly, most reported offenders are workers from developing countries. Despite this, westerners aren’t immune and should avoid frolicking on the beach, drinking alcohol or engaging in any homosexual displays of affection – all examples being criminal offences that can, in the worst-case scenario, result in a prison sentence.

Mall head’s paradise
Apart from being a Tax Free haven, Dubai prides itself on being the world’s ultimate shopping paradise. A dream for shopping centre aficionados, Dubai serves up air-conditioned shopping malls of every denomination and consumer taste. And, in keeping with everything else in the city, most malls are huge. To list a small part of the mall offer, Dubai Mall opened in November 2008 and nestles at the foot of the mighty Burj Dubai. One of the largest indoor shopping centres in the world, the mall houses about 1,200 shopping units that span high-street brands, department stores and designer labels. Marks and Spencer and Debenhams both have a space in the Dubai Mall, and Sonia Rykiel, Patricia Pepe, Missoni, Emilio Pucci and Blumarine are a only handful of the many designer names housed within. Apart from its impressive array of shops, it also houses an aquarium large enough to use as a swimming pool. If you fancy taking a break from the shop hopping, an option is to hit the famous ski slopes, Ski Dubai, at the Mall of the Emirates.

To continue the never-ending count of malls, Wafi City was one of the first high-end luxury malls to open in Dubai. With its Egyptian-themed pyramids and obelisks, it’s hard to miss. Other themed malls include the Venetian style Mercato Mall in Jumeriah, and its Arabian fortress counterpart, Souk Madinat Jumeriah. To finish off the themed mall rundown, the IBN Battuata Mal is divided into six main geographical areas, namely China, India, Persia, Egypt, Tunisia and Andalusia.

Desert’s calling
It’s sometimes easy to forget that Dubai is not an entirely urban landscape; this makes the prospect of hitting the desert even more appealing.

There are a number of different desert tours to choose from, one the most popular options being the evening desert safari organised by Desert Safaris Dubai. Setting off in the afternoon in a 4×4, the tour includes sand dune diving, camel riding, henna painting, belly dancing performances and buffet dinner and barbeque.

Out on the town
Dubai might not offer the eclectic prospect of a European party excursion, but ‘hotel hopping’ can be quite an experience in its own right, and something that will bring the Dubai experience full circle. Offering plenty of hotel based night-time fun, one of the most high-end nocturnal destinations is the Skyview bar at the ultra luxurious Burj Al Arab hotel. Adding to the glitz, fashion designer Roberto ‘King of Bling’ Cavalli recently opened the Cavalli Club at the Fairmont Hotel. Expect opulence galore – Swarovski crystal embedded walls, black quartz floors and plenty of gold signify the interior profile.

Aside from impossibly swanky hotel bars, there’s also an array of clubs that attract respectable, world-renowned DJs such as Groove Armada and Paul van Dyke. Trilogy is one of Dubai’s most fancy clubs with three levels and capacity for 2,000 clubbers, as well as rooftop space for an additional 400 people.

Most clubs are open until 3am, but note that during Ramadan many clubs are closed entirely since music and dancing aren’t allowed during this period.

A labour of love

Last year Beirut was recommended as the number one destination by the New York Times, helping the city regain its party city status and its moniker as the Middle East’s answer to Paris.

Lebanon’s capital has certainly undergone significant reconstruction following its years of civil unrest. Construction company Solidere – owned by former prime minister Rafic Hariri – bought a huge amount of the city centre after Beirut’s conflicts eased. Hariri was on a mission to completely transform the area around Martyrs’ Square and banish the memories of past atrocities. The bulldozers came in, and concerns were raised that the new Beirut would be void of history and soul. Thankfully the restoration work has been handled with care, and street after street of tastefully restored stone buildings and ornate mosques provide a beautiful centrepiece to the city.

Downtown Beirut has seen the most renovation, and can now boast a number of luxury hotels and swanky bars to accommodate the jet set crowd. In October Le Gray, a member of Leading Small Hotels of the World, opened its doors and is welcoming travellers to “a contemporary luxury property as stylish as the city itself.” And at the start of this year, the renowned Four Seasons chain opened its latest luxury residence in Beirut, offering customers a “see-and-be-seen rooftop terrace, where guests can swim high in the sky or celebrate ’til sunrise.”

These hotels have brought with them the stamp of luxury that Beirut has been striving for. The famed nightlife goes hand in hand with this opulence, as a cluster of sophisticated bars give travellers the chance to party the night away in real style. The Skybar is perhaps the most well known, where a bottle of Cristal champagne costs around £10,000. If the price seems a little excessive, bear in mind that the bottle is delivered alongside a mini firework display, just to make sure everyone in the bar knows where the big spenders are sitting.

One can spend a number of days in Beirut perusing the new shopping centres, housed in the restored souks. While most shops cater for high-end fashion, the city has surprisingly embraced some western regulars such as Virgin Megastore and even a Dunkin’ Donuts. A further indication that Beirut is now placed firmly on the business travel map.

However, evidence of Beirut’s unstable past is still present in some places. The significant Holiday Inn building, complete with bullet holes and bomb craters, still cuts an imposing figure on the cityscape, providing every visitor with a timely reminder of this country’s struggle. Away from the capital, building and renovation takes on a different perspective. Seafront mansions are frequently lost to marble skyscrapers as the government moves to capitalise on Beirut’s newfound tourist trade. Along the coast at Jbeil, even the beach has been lost to renovation, and in its place lies a private ‘beach club’ to cater for the tourist dollar. As Beirut’s rise to international recognition reaches its climax in the coming years, one can only hope the edgy appeal of the city is not lost.

Connecting people

Heathrow Express is the fastest way to travel between central London and Heathrow Airport. Departing every 15 minutes from London Paddington station, the non-stop service speeds to Heathrow Central in only 15 minutes, with just a further six minutes to terminal five.

The service was launched in June 1998 and is operated by BAA. On average, 16,000 passengers use the service each day, and over 50 million people have travelled on Heathrow Express since launch.

Customers can settle down with complimentary copies of the Financial Times and select magazines, use the extendible tables to catch up on some work, watch Onboard TV, make use of the free Wi-Fi internet access and enjoy uninterrupted mobile coverage. Heathrow Express keeps all passengers entertained during their journey with Express TV, which includes up to date BBC news and weather programming. There are also quiet zones where mobile phone use is prohibited and Express TV does not play.

Heathrow Express cabins are designed to be level with the platform, making it easier to get luggage onboard. The First Class cabin is a delight for business travellers, delivering a high-end travel experience. First Class cabins also stop by station exits, guaranteeing quicker and easier access to the terminals. These spacious cabins feature plush leather-trimmed seats and personal tables. All cabins are climate controlled and include modern, accessible toilet facilities.

Heathrow Express now offers Wi-Fi free to all customers on the train, courtesy of T-Mobile. A typical broadband connection speed of 2 Mbps is available throughout the entire journey, even in the six kilometre tunnel.

In December 2009 Heathrow Express made Paddington station the first UK railway station to offer flight information display screens and airline check in services. They consist of three machines located below the screens and next to the Heathrow Express ticket office. The machines are easy to use with touch screen facilities, allowing customers to print their boarding pass and view their flight information before they even arrive at the airport. Proceeding direct to bag drop, customers can bypass the check-in queues helping them to feel more at ease on their journey.

Since its launch, Heathrow Express has established itself as the first choice for passengers seeking the quickest way to and from Heathrow Airport. The carbon-efficient trains are fitted with electrical regenerative brakes, which reduce speed by converting kinetic energy into another useful form of energy. This is how over the last decade the service has regenerated enough energy to boil 400 million kettles.

Heathrow Express has achieved the top score in the National Passenger Survey carried out by Passenger Focus, the independent national rail consumer watchdog. Heathrow Express scored 92 percent in overall satisfaction in 2008 and 2009. Passenger Focus consults 50,000 passengers a year to produce the survey, which reveals a nationwide picture of passengers’ satisfaction with rail travel.

www.heathrowexpress.com

The Indian miracle

India

EM Forster once said, “Nothing in India is identifiable, the mere asking of a question causes it to disappear or merge into something else.” Mark Twain reckoned, “In religion India is the only millionaire – the one land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for all the shows of all the rest of the globe combined.” More recently, Paul Theroux neatly summed up the requirements for visiting the country: “All you need is a strong stomach, a little money and a tolerance for crowds.”

Theroux is pretty much on the money, though it would help if visitors brought along an open mind too. Despite regular, almost inescapable coverage in the western press about India’s rise (and rise and rise), the place remains an assault on the senses and serves as a massive culture-shock for the unprepared.

Even if you’re sure you know what to expect from India, it will still leave you reeling. It’s not just the oppressive heat. Nor is it the wall-to-wall hustlers and hawkers, the deformed beggars and sharp-as-hell streetkids, the mopeds and cars and rickshaws that look as if they’ve been thrown together seconds before they screech past. It isn’t just the mangy dogs and revered cows, the poverty and opulence, the deep hum of spirituality and religion, the crazily friendly people and the on-off hope that hangs in the air. It is all these things, bundled together with a secret unidentifiable ingredient added. Go, and you’ll understand.

Powerhouse
The reason for India making so many headlines over the last few years is mainly down to its astonishing emergence as an economic powerhouse. In 1991 economic reforms were introduced that spearheaded growth, and the economy underwent dramatic changes. Free of the previous restrictions under the socialist government, the practices of regulation and protectionism were abandoned and growth was rampant. At the time of writing the economy is the 12th largest in the world, and the fourth largest in terms of purchasing power. A report by Goldman Sachs projected the Indian economy to quadruple by 2020 and the GDP to surpass the America’s by 2050. And well it might, with growth over the last couple of years hovering at just over nine percent.

As one might expect, the traditional industries – textiles, chemicals, machinery, steel and so forth – have played a part in this phenomenal growth, as has agriculture: tea, cotton and wheat, for example, are all grown on a massive scale. But the real boost to the economy has been in services, with the service industry accounting for over half of the GDP. Technology has also been hugely important, and the country boasts some of the finest software developers and engineers in the world – as well as the second highest number of mobile phones on the planet.

But therein lies the rub; a rub all too familiar for 400 million of India’s inhabitants. Around 25 percent of the population live below the poverty line, and it’s a line is practically visible and still growing. The division between rich and poor is getting bigger by the second. One place where this is perhaps as visible as anywhere else is Mumbai. This variously hip and gruelling city perfectly encapsulates everything that is right and wrong about India. It’s the financial and commercial centre, home to India’s colourful film industry, and has swanky new bars opening up by the minute and glitzy skyscrapers erected every hour or two. Or so it seems.

Poverty is an eye (and heart) opener: Mumbai is home to the biggest slum in Asia and at certain times of the day it can seem as though every single one of the city’s 20 million inhabitants (although officially it’s supposed to be 17 million) is out on the streets. Immigrants from across the country have descended on this previously sleepy huddle of fishing villages, attracted by the potential wealth on offer. In the sweltering heat, locals flop on the sides of the road, snooze in bus shelters, crowd around train stations, lurk under bridges, offer street food, offer to part you and your money, offer a haircut, or a drink, or their view of the latest international cricket match. Stick on a pair of shades and gaze up at the skyscrapers that punctuate the sky and one could be forgiven for not noticing all the raucous behaviour underfoot.

Hidden delights
For many, such an exhilarating atmosphere can be addictive, and there’s plenty to keep visitors inclined to spend some time here occupied. It’s possible to spend all day inhaling the sights, sounds and myriad hidden delights that the city has to offer. In the evening, the Chowpatty beach is a great venue for swanning around with the locals, enjoying the refreshingly pristine stretch of coastline while getting a head massage and preparing for the night ahead.

From street food to the plushest of restaurants, Mumbai really does have it all, most of which will astonish the taste buds. But be warned: the kitschy, decadent clubs and super-cool bars that have sprung up in Mumbai over the last few years are not for the faint hearted and, it seems at times, neither are they for the not-terribly-well connected. Everyone seems to know everyone and they’re guaranteed to be better dressed than the casual newcomer.

Still, at the end of a slightly awkward night out there are plenty of places to lay one’s head, right? Wrong. For a city that has everything else in abundance, there seems to be a real paucity of decent (and decently priced) hotel rooms. However, I found that there wasn’t a great deal wrong with either Le Royal Meridien Mumbai or the Taj Mahal Palace and Tower. Nothing, that is, except the prices, which caused my eyes to water as much as a particularly spicy curry might.

Goa
In stark contrast to Mumbai is nearby Goa (I say nearby, and I suppose it is in Indian terms: a mere 350 miles south). The two places couldn’t be more different: Goa is as laid back as Mumbai is frenetic. Hippies have been flocking here since the 1960s, and this previously Portuguese-owned pocket of the western coast is still an ideal place to come to recharge those mental batteries. It’s also an ideal place to burn them out: Goa can be relaxing and stimulating in equal measure.

It’s fair to anticipate some slightly-too-earnest rock chicks here, as well as some consciously blissed-out middle class white kids with dreads. Constant, ubiquitous chill-out music tinkles away in the background of all manner of stores, which sell everything from ice creams to religious effigies to henna tattoos. It’s a place that has long attracted backpackers and partygoers, but Goa has recently fixed its attention on seducing package tourists and a smattering of high-end tourists. Not that it has really diluted the atmosphere at all. Goa remains one of the most impressive places I have chanced upon and although I didn’t exactly find myself there, I certainly had a damned good look. And nowhere, perhaps, is better to look than Morjim-Arobol, a gorgeous 10 mile stretch of idyllic coastline, replete with ferociously talented Indian boys playing intense games of cricket, fishermen looking like incredibly relaxed and spiritual fishermen, and the nerve-soothing sounds of the waves.

Such paradise can come cheap: a room can still be found for around £10 a night. It doesn’t have to, of course; for twenty times that visitors can experience complete laid-back luxury. Casa Candolim is one such example, and is highly recommended.

So there you have it: two very different places, one very magnificent India. And it’s an India that remains relatively untouched by tourism. Okay, Goa remains popular, but this country of over a billion people attracts fewer visitors each year than Hawaii. Expect this to change, like India itself, over the next decade. In the meantime, let me hand you back to Mark Twain. “So far as I am able to judge,” he wrote, “nothing has been left undone, either by man or nature, to make India the most extraordinary country that the sun visits on his rounds. Nothing seems to have been forgotten, nothing overlooked.”

A different kind of tourism
Visitors don’t just travel to India to ‘find themselves.’ Increasingly travellers visit to appreciate the spectacular wildlife, take in a sporting event (elephant polo is spectacular, the atmosphere at cricket grounds more so) or to take advantage of the excellent medical facilities on offer. Medical tourism has significantly increased recently: the costs are a fraction of what they are in the US, Western Europe and Australia, and standards are often just as good, and sometimes better. The most common procedures are heart surgery, knee transplants, cosmetic surgery and dental care.

Bollywood
A portmanteau of Bombay and Hollywood, Bollywood is the Indian film industry, the heart of which lies in Mumbai. Cinema is incredibly popular here and over three billion tickets to the flicks are sold each year. The films are colourful, melodramatic, bursting with dance routines, and have plots that would make most soap writers wince. It is a hard task to find a film that doesn’t include at least one kidnapping, betrayal, forbidden love, bizarre coincidence, corrupt official or stereotypically furious parent. Western production houses have tried to muscle in on the act, but all attempts have flopped.

How & when to go
The majority of visitors will arrive by plane, with some of the braver, time-rich (and perhaps more romantic) types arriving by rail or boat. Whatever your method, you’ll need to show evidence of an onward ticket or return journey in order to bag a tourist visa. The weather can often be a crucial factor in how much you enjoy the place: if it’s far too hot or wet it might be far too unbearable. Broadly speaking there are three seasons – hot, cool and wet. The wet season runs more or less from November to February. Also bear in mind which part of the country you are visiting: the northern and southern climates are hugely different.

Town and country

Russia is an enormous land of breathtaking scenery, bustling metropolises and warm Slavic hospitality. With such a vast area within her borders, this fascinating country could take an entire lifetime to explore, and most business travellers rarely make it outside the boundaries of Moscow or St Petersburg.

It’s certainly true to say that the capital city and former capital are rich in history, culture, museums, art galleries and theatre, and are where the majority of Russians make their homes. And with only eight hours train journey between the two it’s quite possible to see both in one trip, although either has plenty to offer as a sole destination.

Those visiting for work purposes are becoming increasingly adventurous in their exploration of this mighty landmass, and more and more are choosing to venture further afield into Russia’s largely untapped wilderness. What many discover is that while Moscow offers a commercial hub and St Petersburg cosmopolitan glamour, away from the urban centres is quite unlike any other destination on earth. With the rolling steppe landscape, volcanoes, beautiful lakes and icy mountains, capped with a decided lack of development or even people, this is the place to escape from it all. And for those looking for incentive trips with a difference, heli-skiing, motor-biking across frozen lakes and bathing in deserted bubbling mud pools are just part of the rich complement of activities with a difference.

Moscow
If you’re in Moscow on business it can seem daunting at first, with Cyrillic street signs (or no street signs) and English not commonly spoken. In fact the city is almost a perfect circle, bordered by the city ring road. It’s a fairly easy layout to get to grips with, mainly because the shape of the various areas are so obviously connected with the city’s ancient past. The historic core of the Kremlin sits perfectly in the centre, with districts of varying age knotted around the 11th century hub. Moscow’s layers correspond in age with their distance from the centre, as this ancient city slowly issued out from the Kremlin. First came the market district of Kitay Gorod which arcs around the centre. From here the more commercial Belig Gorod area forms a horseshoe shape north of the Moscow River. Next Zenlyanog Gorad forms an outer suburban layer, and from here the city layout becomes more fragmented.

The Kremlin
Most visitors to the city head straight for the Kremlin and surrounding buildings – and with good reason. This fascinating and well-preserved district is one of the most ancient cities in Europe, surviving through surprisingly few invasions.

The area forms a fortress (which was, of course, its original purpose) enclosing a breathtaking collection of some of Moscow’s oldest and most beautiful buildings. The State Kremlin Palace is the modern addition to this ancient seat of power, and is itself an attractive concrete and glass monolith – a legacy of communist rule. Nowadays the enormous 6,000 seat auditorium is used to host shows by the Russian State Ballet and other venerated performers.

The Senate building is the official residence of the Russian president, and is a neo-classical structure commissioned by Catherine the Great. When this mini-city was built, it would have been unthinkable to house state buildings without at least a few good-sized cathedrals to keep God on side. So the Kremlin area boasts not one but four impressive cathedrals, with the modest Church of the Deposition of the Robe thrown-in for good measure. Of the cathedrals, the Assumption Cathedral is the largest, oldest and most important, while the Cathedral of the Annunciation is the most striking: a lovely example of the classic gold domed architecture commonly associated with Russian buildings. The Cathedral of the Archangel Michael is a Renaissance Italian style cathedral, and the Cathedral of the Twelve Apostles and the Patriarch’s Palace now serves as a museum for 17th century art.

Kitay Gorod and The Red Square
The next layer of the city fans out in a horseshoe shape from the Kremlin area. Kitay Gorod comprised the merchant quarter of the city from the late 1500s. At the heart of this part of Moscow is the famous Red Square, once an enormous market area for medieval traders. Bordering the Kremlin wall, this amazing tribute to Moscow’s historic greatness is a key attraction to modern day Russia. The square still acts as a gathering place for important events and is characterised by Russia’s most famous landmark – St Basil’s Cathedral. This soaring, brightly coloured, bulb-towered edifice is the most commonly used image of Russia, and up close it is every bit as spectacular as its portraits suggest.

Kitay Gorod is also home to the famous GUM department store – once the scene of bread-lines and mournful queues of Russians in line for the most basic goods. Revamped for millennial Russia, GUM has taken on a new lease of life, with modern shops and department stores as well as a few more traditional Russian stores on the third floor.

Belig Gorod – The White Town
Bordering Kitay Gorod to the north of the river is Belig Gorod, or the ‘white town.’ Forming a broad arc around the more historic areas of Moscow, this part of the city is home to the more contemporary cultural manifestations of modern Russia. It is here visitors will find the Bolshoi Theatre, the Pushkin Fine Art Museum, the Opera House, the city library and the University of Moscow – the latter housed in an elegant yellow neoclassical building. Belig Gorod also boasts The Arbat – a legendary bohemian cobbled street jam-packed with buskers, peddlers and street stalls.

St Petersburg
While Moscow might form the weighty centre of Red Square and most commercial dealings, the glamorous St Petersburg also vies for business visits and is within easy reach of the capital by air, rail or road. With five million people to Moscow’s 15 million, St Petersburg is the second largest city in Russia, and like the gentle artistic younger sister to Moscow’s brash exuberance. Although cultural differences are not so apparent to outsiders, there are those from St Petersburg (and Moscow) who swear an entirely different attitude prevails among the population of their own city.

Whether or not this is actually the case is academic, but as far as the facts are concerned, St Petersburg is certainly a city which likes to celebrate its history of arts and culture. Dostoevsky, Trotsky and ballerina Anna Pavlova were all from St Petersburg, and the modern day literary and performing arts scenes are a vibrant reminder of these famous residents.

The architecture of the city also plays a vital part in its claim to wager a little more sophistication than roguish Moscow. History has given the buildings a decidedly feminine feel, with the majority of architectural commissions taking place during matriarchal rule. However, the city itself is very much a male orchestrated affair, taking its name from Tsar Peter who ordered the construction of St Petersburg in 1703. The 18th century construction makes this a staggeringly young city – particularly considering that Moscow dates back to the 1100s. With a neo-classical design built more or less from scratch, planners were free to construct their own ideal of a waterfront conurbation, giving St Petersburg a new city status all of its own.

Petrogradskaya
St Petersburg is a city roughly split into five parts, with an intriguing history behind the current layout. Petrogradskaya was the area which Tsar Peter initially built as the city-proper. The idea was to construct a proper harbour town that would strengthen Russia’s non-existent navy defences, and provide a training ground for military fleets. In honour of this vision a massive fort was built which still provides a key focus for visitors today. The Peter and Paul Fortress is an impressive hexagonal construction on the banks of the Moscow River. This is the true historic quarter of the city, and contains some of St Petersburg’s key attractions.

For a lovely view out onto the river and across the entire city, the TV tower is well worth a look. Built in 1962, the 310m high lattice steel construction was the first TV tower in the Soviet Union. Nowadays it is still used for FM and TV broadcasting and features an observation platform at a height of 191m. Located at 3 Ulitsa Akademika Pavlova, the nearest metro station is Petrogradskaya. The same station is also within walking distance of the Museum of Russian History, a fascinating tribute to political Russia in general.

Gostiny Dvor
For many residents of St Petersburg, this is the city, for all its historic adjuncts and hangers-on. The success of the area is a simple matter of geography, as residents of the city realised it was the least susceptible to flooding and other environmental mishaps. For sheer size there’s no escaping that this is where the bulk of the city residents spend their time and wages.

As the commercial hub, Gostiny Dvor is home to the famous Nevskiy Prospect. This is St Petersburg’s answer to the Champ Elysees in Paris, and in terms of size and popularity probably excels it. Other sites of interest include The Church of Spilled Blood, (with onion dome towers reminiscent of St Basil’s Cathedral), and the Pushkin House Museum.

The Hermitage
The Palace Embankment is home to the world famous Hermitage – an art gallery which could easily deserve the attention of this entire magazine. Initially the impressive collection of Tsarina Catherine, the artworks contained here simply grew until they became of mammoth proportions. To give some idea of scale, there are three million artefacts here – merely to glance at each one would take an estimated nine years. The works comprise some 12,000 sculptures, 16,000 paintings, 600,000 drawings and prints, 700,000 archaeological exhibits, and one million coins and medals.

Into the wilderness
If Russia’s cities offer cosmopolitan glamour and modern entertainments, there are still vast swaths of this enormous country given fully to the old ways of life. With much of Russia’s vast bulk stretching endlessly east in climatic conditions which barely allow life to exist, those in search of wilderness will hardly be disappointed. And despite Russia’s reputation as exhibiting a rather despotic attitude towards nature and the environment, several of the world’s preserved natural wonders tell a different story.

Lake Baikal
Perhaps the most revered is the incredible Lake Baikal, a favourite stop on the Trans Siberian Express route, and a destination in its own right. This mighty expanse is the largest reserve of fresh water on the planet, and contains more water than all five of America’s Great Lakes put together. At 360 miles across and some 1,600m deep, it could more reasonably be described as an ocean than a lake, and in typical Russian style remains mercifully untouched by a combination of design and logistics.

Huge swaths of the lake have been declared protected areas by environmentalists, and although a debate still rages around the building of a paper mill and various other pollutants, it is for the most part now under the jurisdiction of Unesco. The other reason for this region being as yet untroubled by hordes of tour agencies and lakeside resorts is a combination of inhumanly cold temperatures (minus forty and below in winter) and lack of easy access. For reasons which are inexplicable outside Russia, Lake Baikal is bereft of a circular road, meaning those arriving from the north are stranded from the southern areas of the lake. There is a hydrafoil which joins north to south, but not east to west, meaning that the shortest crossing is unavailable. However, during the winter months when the lake freezes two metres deep, trucks, cars and all manner of other conveyances take to the Baikal as a useful frozen highway.

For a glimpse of Russia’s untamed wilderness, however, this all counts in favour of this spectacular sight. With thousands of metres of freshwater, the lake houses its own eco-system of seaweed and plankton, all of which works tirelessly to provide a uniquely efficient cleaning system. For this reason around 80 percent of the water is pure enough to drink, and the purity also lends itself to crystal clear views to the depths, even when deeply frozen.
Those brave enough to get out here will find plenty of unusual activities; the region lends itself to the ‘things to do before you die’ style of pursuit. Travellers looking for an incentive trip with a difference could hardly find a place better than this, although managing a voyage would certainly take some arranging with local tour operators.

Typical entertainments include husky rides across the ice, stopping to enjoy a lakeside meal of barbecued fish and the inevitable vodka toasts. Taking a hovercraft across the frozen lake is also a popular and safe way to skid over the depths at speed, but for true adventurers, taking to the ice on a motorbike is undoubtedly the most
adrenaline fuelled way to enjoy the sights.

More sedate activities which are favoured by locals as a form of industry include ice-fishing, using either a rod or a net. Unsurprisingly, the latter is the most common way to draw out bucket-loads of the resident olma – a kind of salmon – from a chain-sawed hole. Rod fishing is preferred by traditionalists, and is popular among tourists looking to enjoy the old-fashioned style.

Whatever the activity undertaken in this remote wilderness, visitors should expect that more than the occasional vodka bottle will be plunged into the snowy verge, only to be unearthed minutes later and its chilled contents liberally dispensed. In this part of the world, warming one’s bones from the inside out is a way of life, so vodka glasses are commonly and amiably handed around at noon or earlier. Somehow though, neat alcohol served near frozen by an iced-over lake seems closer to the liquor’s etymology (it is thought to come from ‘aqua vitae’ – the water of life) than anywhere else.

Fire and ice
Snowy tracts of steppe might characterise huge areas of Russia, but a lesser known attraction is the country’s very own little Iceland – a volcanic region decked in ice and littered with boiling mud pools. The Kamchatka area is less frequently visited by tourists, not least because it is quite literally the end of the road. To get deeper into this region will require the assistance of a dedicated guide and at the most basic end a heavy duty 4×4 vehicle. More commonly, however, those with deep enough pockets trying to get to the more breath-taking spots are choosing to make the trip into the volcanoes by helicopter.

For the well-travelled this could well be the ultimate adventure trip. There’s no doubt that few other explorers have penetrated the region, and real-life danger still abounds in the form of brown bears and unpredictable weather. Known even to the locals as the ‘Lost World,’ this region could reasonably lay claim to more Jules Verne style attractions than any other part of the planet. The area is made temperamental by earthquakes and bubbling geysers, and ominous rumbles in the distance or from directly below are a likely part of any trip.

A favourite for those braving this true back-of-beyond is a helicopter flight into the Paratunka hot springs, where the quintessential bath in warm waters as the snow falls around makes for a mesmerising experience of natural beauty. Several mountains are also surmountable, although many comprise challenging adventures even for very experienced climbers. More accessible is Mutnovsky mountain, which also houses a bubbling cluster of mud pools perfect for plunging cold feet into. Ice crevasses offer more advanced climbing routes but the mountain can also be negotiated on foot with an experienced guide.

Another reason to get out on a trail is that Kamchatka is a well known spot for brown bears. These native residents are positively out in force here, which gives all the more reason for travellers to tread very carefully. This said, the very real possibility of sighting a bear in the wild is yet another reason why Kamchatka is a paradise for adventurous travellers.

For yet more adrenaline packed incentive trips, heli-skiing is currently increasing in popularity. The uncharted nature of these mountains means that being dropped straight onto the slopes from a helicopter is fast becoming the way for thrill-seekers who have done everything to try something new.

The Volga Delta
Of course, not all visitors to Russia will have the time or inclination to get so far out into the wilderness. And while many of the country’s most stunning and uncharted attractions lay further out, natural wonders are also housed nearer to the big cities.

For the scenic getaway that local Russians clamour to escape to, the lovely Volga Delta showcases a rather more temperate and forgiving aspect of the nation’s vast geography. The lazy river area comes alive in the summer months, where many natives rent or own holiday homes on the shores of the winding river. Birds and wildlife are popular attractions, and a large area has been archived for the Astrakhan Biosphere Reserve.

This region is a meeting of the large saline Lake Baskunchak and lofty Mount Bolshoye, which breaks the barren rolling steppe characterising the rest of the region. This sudden influx of nature brings with it a wealth of birdlife – the main protected element of the diverse fauna – but it’s also known as a migratory area for saiga antelope, which tramp through in search of food at certain times of the year.

The river itself also holds a secret sandy spit of land in the wider expanse of water, which is mostly comprised of pure white sand. In the summer months when the sun is shining and the water is at its bluest, visitors who have rowed out to this tiny island could almost mistake themselves for being on a deserted Polynesian atoll.

So while Russia’s cities will undoubtedly form part – if not all – of the itinerary for first time visitors, those with a thirst for adventure should take advantage of the more natural attractions. Not only are there some truly unique experiences to be had outside the urban centres, but it’s only a matter of time before these become better known and more frequented. For that once-in-a-lifetime sighting of true wilderness, now is the time to travel and enjoy Russia’s sizeable hidden charms in addition to her tried and tested impressive cityscapes.

A new recipe for Hamburg

Today it seems like any ordinary construction site wrapped in scaffolding, but the architectural plans reveal that a wave-shaped glass upper half is yet to be completed over the existing building. On the drawing board is etched a jaw-dropping, undulating structure that will tower up to 110m over the Elbe River.

This is the forthcoming Elbe Philharmonic concert hall, the centrepiece of Hamburg’s emerging HafenCity district. Designed by Herzog and de Meuron, the Swiss architects behind London’s Tate Modern gallery and partners in Beijing’s ‘bird’s nest’ Olympic stadium, the striking building is intended as a new metropolitan icon when it opens in 2012. And, to add to its significance, it sits on the northwest tip of the largest and most ambitious urban renewal project in Europe.

Some commentators have likened the rising Elbe Philharmonic to a new Sydney Opera House or Bilbao Guggenheim, but HafenCity’s Susanne Bühler points out that its origins are somewhat different. The decision had already been taken to convert 157 hectares of Hamburg’s now unused central port into a new inner-city district before the “wonderful vision” for the concert hall got the go-ahead in 2005, she says. “In the HafenCity masterplan that was decided on in 2000, the talk was all of economic, social, cultural and ecologically sustainable reconstruction.”

However, even she is forced to admit that “the Elbe Philharmonic concept crowns the project, and will create a new city landmark.”

A new iconography
It’s certainly a novel symbol from which Hamburg could benefit globally. Mention the city to many English speakers, and they often still hark back to the Beatles playing here in the 1960s, or they conjure up its red-light Reeperbahn district. Such clichés are usually followed by watery facts: Hamburg, laced with canals and situated on both a river and a lake, has more bridges than Amsterdam and Venice combined; its port is the second-largest in Europe, behind Rotterdam. The riotous Sunday-morning fish market – more a piece of theatre than a scene of trade – might also rate a mention from first-time visitors.

But while it has been overshadowed in the international imagination by Berlin and Munich, the metropolis on the Elbe enjoys an increasingly positive and sophisticated reputation within Germany. Coming second in size to the capital hasn’t made it an also-ran. Indeed, even in today’s straitened economic times and an era of drastic city-hall cutbacks, it remains much wealthier than Berlin. More millionaires live here than in any other German city, pushing the per capita income some 50 percent higher than the national average.

Home to leading news magazines and newspapers such as Der Spiegel, Stern and Die Zeit, Hamburg has long been the nation’s media hub. It’s Germany’s start-up capital, with 13.3 new businesses for every 10,000 inhabitants, and perhaps even more surprisingly is an aerospace centre of excellence, where Airbus planes are built.

Having joined the Hanseatic League trading bloc in the Middle Ages, the German ‘Tor zur Welt’ or ‘gateway to the world’ has been enthusiastically doing global business ever since. This has brought a fascinating interplay of financial wealth and multicultural influences to the city. On the one hand, there’s a certain conservatism among the ruling classes as shipping and media magnates drive their luxury cars home to the exclusive suburbs of Blankenese and Winterhude. On the other, there’s a kind of freewheeling liberalism as Turkish, Portuguese and other immigrants mingle with students and alternative types among the nightlife districts of St Pauli and the Schanzenviertel.

The city plays hard; it has vibrant theatrical and musical scenes, and thousands of diehard supporters for local football teams HSV and second-division FC St Pauli. And it works hard; one of Shanghai’s twin cities, it is the biggest entry point for Chinese goods into Europe.

For such a vibrant business centre, however, Hamburg found itself in need of more and more attractive office accommodation during the 1990s. As Berlin was rebuilt into the capital of a reunified country, it tried to lure some leading Hamburg companies to its new developments. Rather than lift the limits on the numbers of tall buildings, Hamburg retorted with HafenCity as a way of accommodating its growing business and residential populations. The city senate threw down the glove in a 1997 vote and formalised the decision in the 2000 masterplan to enlarge the urban centre by 40 percent over the next 20 to 25 years.

“The fall of the Berlin Wall and the Iron Curtain also played an important role in fundamentally improving Hamburg’s role in Europe,” says Ms Bühler. “From being a city on the Eastern edge of the Western world it became a metropolis at the heart of a unified and growing continent. The HafenCity is the embodiment of this new reality.”

The Brownfield site on which the new district is being constructed was once the heart of Hamburg’s duty-free port. However, as the era of containerisation advanced, the land fell into disuse as larger modern ships stopped docking this far up the river.

Of course, other inner-city docks have suffered similar fates, and attempts to regenerate these areas have not always gone smoothly. The Canary Wharf tower at the heart of London’s Docklands, for example, went bust in 1992 before becoming a late-blooming success three years later. The skyscraper had little connection with the surrounding redevelopment, which itself was something of a sci-fi film set with little sense of community. Poor public transport increased the sense of alienation.

The South Street Seaport in New York City and Berlin’s Potsdamer Platz are both seen as more successful tourist and retail destinations than liveable districts. Amsterdam’s Eastern Harbour District was criticised as creating a ‘monoculture’ of rented social housing when it was first redeveloped in the late 1970s and early 1980s.

Additionally, Hamburg faces a challenge of its own. The city centre boasts a fabulously ornate Rathaus (City Hall), and is also home to a spectacular so-called merchants’ building, the Chilehaus, which is shaped like an ocean liner. It has ritzy canalside shopping arcades and scenic lakes. Yet anyone who has spent a weekend in the Hanseatic ‘harbourpolis’ knows that the downtown – not so far from HafenCity – already empties of an evening. While young revellers head for St Pauli and the Schanzenviertel, the more mature, middle-class set entertain themselves in Altona or Ottensen.

Mixing it up
Thus, from the outset, Hamburg has been very conscious of the need to learn from the mistakes of the past when building its new inner-city district. As well as giving the area a maritime flavour in keeping with the city’s commercial past, erecting flood defences and ensuring adequate transport links, head planner Jürgen Bruns-Berentelg – nicknamed ‘Mister HafenCity’ by local journalists – has continually emphasised the need for a diversity of uses.

There will be a mix of residential, commercial, retail, leisure and cultural features, he says. Office space for 40,000 workers will accompany 5,500 apartments for up to 12,000 people. This makes the development 35 percent residential, a higher than average proportion that compares with, for example, 10 percent in Berlin’s Potsdamer Platz (which Mr Bruns-Berentelg also led).

However, it doesn’t stop there. HafenCity already has its own school and a new International Maritime Museum; a university is on its way. The development is divided into ten distinct ‘quarters’ with names like Sandtor and Dalmann Quay (site of the Elbe Philharmonic), Grasbrook and the Überseequartier (or Overseas Quarter) at its heart. Each revolves around green or other public spaces. However, to encourage the development of a sustainable community, none is exclusively given over to one use.

“Apartments sit in direct proximity to offices, shops, cafes, restaurants and bars,” says Ms Bühler. “There is no purely work, shopping, tourist or residential district.”

Alongside diversity, “fantastic architecture” is another tool Mr Bruns-Berentelg is deploying to promote the success of HafenCity. Jacques Herzog and Pierre de Meuron are helping to shape the Elbe Philharmonic hall, but they are not the only winners of architecture’s prestigious Pritzker Prize involved in the new buildings here. Dutch ‘starchitect’ Rem Koolhaas has produced a vertical, staggered ring for the Overseas Quarter’s Science Centre; the Hamburg-America House in Grasbook has been drawn up by New Yorker Richard Meier.

Lesser-known names have also produced eye-catching architecture, including Italian architect Massimiliano Fuksas with his dramatic cruise centre and hotel. What HafenCity’s planners only briefly touch upon is immediately obvious during any on-the-ground reconnaissance. As an urban regeneration project, it enjoys one strategic advantage rarely shared by its predecessors. This is that it adjoins another older redevelopment, whose presence should help weave it into the fabric of city life.

The Speicherstadt, or ‘Warehouse Town’, was the storage depot of the former duty-free port, until its neo-Gothic, red-brick buildings were converted in the 1980s. Many of them now house museums and other tourist attractions, from the Hamburg Dungeon and the world’s largest model railway exibition to a spice museum and ‘Dialog im Dunkeln,’ a tour through darkness intended to replicate the experience of being blind. Others have been transformed into artists’ studios or office space for small businesses.

While this is not the same vision that planners have for HafenCity, the Speicherstadt does line the northern edge of the same archipelago, and already lures visitors across the first wide canal – a sort of Rubicon – separating the two districts from downtown proper.

It also offers a touch of authentic character with two of the city’s impossibly sweet ‘Kleinod,’ or mini, restaurants. Only boasting around 20 covers, the fairytale Fleetschlösschen (Canal Castle-let) is a former customs tollhouse. Having fed hard-working dockworkers for decades, the Oberhafenkantine (Upper Harbour Canteen) continues to dole out hearty, reasonably priced local cuisine.

Although it sometimes seems that all HafenCity has to match the Speicherstadt’s quirky ‘Kleinods’ are its many information pavilions, laying out its plans for the future, in fact signs of real life are starting to emerge. German software company SAP decided to move its headquarters to HafenCity as early as 2003. Since then, 200 others, including major concerns like logistics firm Kühne and Nagel have decided to join them. Pharmaceutical giant Unilever recently opened its striking new HafenCity headquarters, designed by German firm Behnisch Architects. Der Spiegel is also relocating to offices conceived by Danish architects Henning Larsen. The area’s Chilli Club has become a popular nightlife location, even if its restaurant’s reputation is rather mixed.

Ms Bühler is hopeful about a future in which she sees the HafenCity not only reinvigorating the site on which it is built, but also bringing new vigour to the Speicherstadt and the inner-city, where today only 14,000 people live.

Recession-hit
Nevertheless, like New York’s South Street Seaport before it, the HafenCity development has coincided with a major recession, and that is finally starting to cause some angst – at least for the time being. ING Real Estate, which is managing the development of the central Überseequartier in conjunction with Gross and Partner and SNS Property Finance, has confessed that companies are no longer “knocking on the door to buy the first building.” Even more controversial has been the role of the city senate. At the end of 2009, faced with dwindling tax receipts, city hall announced that it was embarking on a programme of cuts designed to save e1.15bn before 2013. Yet Mayor Ole von Beust, from the conservative CDU party, has tried to ring-fence funding for the Elbe Philharmonie and other state monies for HafenCity. Furthermore, in the middle of the year, the senate offered to move 800 workers from Hamburg’s central office from downtown offices on Klosterwall to HafenCity. This was even though, according to opponents, this meant paying a higher rate of rent.

“All told, two-thirds of the unoccupied 50,000sq m will be rented to the city, to avoid disastrous vacancy levels,” said Dr Joachim Bischoff, of the left-wing Linke party, at the time. “All of this is just to prevent HafenCity from seeming to be an even bigger mega-flop.”

The Elbe Philharmonie, whose total cost has now tripled to nearly e325m, has also been the subject of some public criticism, and hard choices might yet have to be made over City Hall’s pet project. For the time being, however, leading politicians are unrepentant and standing their ground. “The value of the Elbe Philharmonic structure will far outweigh the cost of its construction,” claims Hamburg’s minister for urban development, Axel Gedaschko.

In the final analysis, too, this is not the only Hamburg reinvention of recent years. The sleazy Reeperbahn of old has been overtaken by a more mainstream entertainment district, where strip clubs are now joined by musicals and cabarets attended by middle-class couples. The even edgier culture of the St Georg area near the main train station is now overlain by a trendy, sophisticated gay scene. The once neglected waterfront, west of the famous fish market, has turned into a gastronome’s mile, lined with exciting restaurants catering to all tastes. And there’s even a grand plan for the deprived outer district of Wilhelmsburg. In short, the HafenCity project may be the most prominent symbol, but it is only one sign of a city on the move.

Places to stay
Fairmont Hotel Vier Jahreszeiten, Neuer Jungfernstieg 9-14, +49 40 349 40, www.fairmont.com
Attracting Hamburg’s old money, and with a touch of Englishness about it, this hotel’s fame spreads well beyond the shores of the Inner Alster Lake, which it overlooks. Its Wohnhalle (living room) is where Hamburg high society comes for afternoon tea.

Atlantic Kempinski An der Alster 72-79, +49 40 402 8880, www.kempinski.com
The Atlantic’s décor gives a clue to its history. Once the preferred port of call for passengers preparing to embark on one of the many transatlantic cruise ships that left Hamburg in the 19th and 20th centuries, its wide corridors and stairwells make it feel like an ocean liner.

Park Hyatt Bugenhagenstrasse 8, +49 40 3332 1234, www.hamburg.park.hyatt.com
Hanseatic flair is given a touch of Asian elegance in one of Hamburg’s loveliest hotels. Discreetly tucked away in a large old shipping merchant’s building, the Park Hyatt is within walking distance of HafenCity

East, Simon-von-Utrecht-Strasse 31, +49 40 309 930, www.east-hamburg.de
Around the corner from the Reeperbahn, East has a lush organic appearance, with curvy plant-like features decorating the rooms. The columns descending into the sunken restaurant resemble striated white tree trunks, while guests at the bar rest in a honeycomb seating structure..

Empire Riverside, Bernhard-Nocht-Strasse 97, +49 40 311 190, www.summithotels.com
Another symbol of the Reeperbahn’s regeneration, this tall tower enjoys views over the Elbe River. Its chic panoramic bar on the 20th floor is a hit with locals as well as overseas visitors.

Wedina Gurlittstrasse 23, +49 40 280 8900, www.wedina.de
Hundreds of internationally renowned authors have stayed in Hamburg’s pleasantly modernist literary hotel. There’s an extensive library of signed novels, and guests are more likely to find a book than a chocolate on their pillow.

YoHo, Moorkamp 5, +49 40 284 1910, www.yoho-hamburg.de
Despite the youthful-sounding name this is equally appropriate for older business travellers on a budget. The oriental opulence is reserved for the breakfast room and the top-class Syrian restaurant; rooms are tasteful, minimalist and comfortable in burnt sienna and earthy tones.

Beyond Bordeaux

While many Bordeaux chateaux have been producing wine for centuries – and some estates in Saint Emilion and Graves claim evidence of winemaking going right back to Roman times – others are just starting out. To create a new estate alongside the 10,000 that exist in Bordeaux takes determination and passion, and show that there’s more going on in the world’s most traditional wine region than you might expect…


Chateau Acappella, 2006 Montagne St Emilion (approx €40)

An indulgent wine full of coffee, chocolate and sweet black fruits, emphasised by being both unfiltered and unfined. Made of 60 percent Merlot and 40 percent Cabernet Franc, it is farmed organically and uses only natural yeasts to begin fermentation. In the cellars, everything is small-scale and Burgundian, with open-top barrels for breaking up the grape skins by hand, and all movement of the grapes and juice done solely by gravity. Husband-and-wife team Béatrice and Christophe Choisy created this 3.5ha estate in 2001, with celebrated wine consultant Michel Rolland instrumental to its success since launch.


Domaine de la Passion Haut Brion, 2007 Pessac Léognan (released April 2010, TBC)

The First Growths of Bordeaux are sought-after world over, and go for prices that make them unobtainable for most people. So to discover some vines that, for 30 years, were being used in Chateau Haut-Brion under a crop-share agreement, but are now being bottled under their own name, is pretty exciting. Owned by Dr Michel Allery, this tiny 1.5ha estate is farmed entirely organically, with horses ploughing the vines and grass cover between the rows encouraging water competition (and so making the roots head lower to where the nutrients are). The team is led by star consultant Stéphane Dérénencourt, and produces around 2,400 bottles a year. An unusual mix of 60 percent Cabernet Franc and 40 percent Cabernet Sauvignon, this is a firm, structured wine with delicate, violet-filled aromas.

Chateau La Connivence, 2008 Pomerol (Approx £150, first vintage to be available May 2010)

One of the smallest appellations in Bordeaux, where land is expensive and highly sought after, it’s particularly unusual to find new estates in Pomerol. The estate is jointly owned by Alexandre de Malet Roquefort (of Chateau La Gaffelière in Saint Emilion), along with local businessman Jean-Luc Deloche, and two well known French footballers Matthieu Chalmé and Johan Micoud. As with most Pomerols, the fruit is firmly on centre stage, but there is also lovely elegance and balance; a sense of power builds on the palate but doesn’t overwhelm, and the final impression is of fresh blackcurrant leaf and pure red fruits. Unfortunately the first vintage of this new wine will only find its way onto the market in Spring or Summer 2010 (the 2008 vintage, with just 2,000 bottles).

Chateau Haut Bacalan, 2006 Pessac Léognon (€17.50)

The Gonet Champagne family, led by Frédéric and Charles-Henri, bought this estate in 1998, and began replanting vines on ground that had been without them for nearly seven decades. The first harvest was in 2001, and since then modern wine-making techniques have made things better and better. Cold soaking before fermentation ensures the fruit flavours stay fresh, and micro-oxygenation during winemaking keeps the tannins soft and fixes the lovely rich purple colour of the wine. With 65 percent Merlot and 35 percent Cabernet Sauvignon, there is good structure and ageing as you would expect from this part of Bordeaux, but with an exuberant kick to the finish.

Aura de Cambon, 2006 Margaux (€26)

This tiny half-hectare plot, lying between Chateau Margaux and Brane Cantenac in the glamorous Médoc appellation of Margaux, was sold in 2003 by the local village butcher, a man who for years had supplied the best cuts of meat to the illustrious properties that surrounded his shop. It was woodland at the time, with plantation rights for vines, and he decided to sell it on to a family instead of a big business which would simply have swallowed it up into its already huge estate. Jean-Pierre Marie, of cru bourgeois Chateau Cambon La Pelouse was the lucky recipient, buying it for a fraction of the cost of land already planted with vines. Their first harvest was 2006, with the resulting wine made available in 2008. With 50 percent Merlot and 50 percent Cabernet Sauvignon, this is a feminine take on Margaux, with warming blackberry and brambly autumn crumble flavours.

Girolate, 2003 Bordeaux (approx €50)

Since its first vintage in 2001, this wine from the lowly Bordeaux appellation regularly beats classified wines in blind tastings. A single-varietal, 100 percent Merlot, it comes from the highly talented Despagne family, led by Thibault Despagne and working with technical director Joël Elissalde (and consultant Michel Rolland). The vines are cropped low to around a third of the levels allowable in the appellation, and everything is done by hand, by gravity, and by design. Fermentation takes place in new oak barrels, each rotated at least once a day to ensure the tannins are soft and smooth. The result is a rich, beautifully polished wine, with intense red fruits that are easy to enjoy.

Stockists Aura de Cambon – Binnys Beverage Selection, Illinois, USA; www.binnys.com, www.cambon-la-pelouse.com Chateau Acappella – www.chateau-acappella.com Chateau la Connivence – www.laconnivence.com Chateau Haut Bacalan – www.chateaulesparre.com, www.caves-direct.com Chateau Haut Brion – to be confirmed Girolate – www.vinogusto.com, www.despagne.fr

Airport dictators

Let’s leave Benito Mussolini until the end, because technically speaking the nasty Blackshirt didn’t actually make my trip to Italy any worse; he just left a sour taste in my mouth.

Let’s start with Ryanair. I know, I know, you’ve heard it all before. The cancelled flights, the ticket trickery, the callous offloading of the handicapped, the hidden pricing, and the miserly baggage allowance.

My complaint is far worse. Know what these lunatic airborne leprechauns did to me recently? Gave me a good flying experience, that’s what. I went to their baggage drop for a flight to Milan with the heaviest of hearts and a stomach churning with ready-made indignation. I felt sure they’d find some excuse not to carry my suitcase, deny me boarding, charge me a small fortune in extras, or claim I’d bought a ticket to Riga. Something had to go wrong.

And it didn’t, damn it. I waited just three minutes in the baggage-drop queue and was greeted by a smiling lady with a charming Oirish accent. Sixty seconds later I was on my way. But surely the boarding would go wrong and we’d be herded like cattle; pushed, shoved and verbally abused. Nope. They called the flight; we queued in orderly fashion and got on. OK. Here it would go wrong, surely? A cramped, knees-up-to-the chin flight and denied the use of the toilet for some trumped up reason.

No. There was plenty of legroom. I had a pleasant snooze, went to the loo, and we arrived at Milan-Bergamo only 20 minutes late. Coming back was the same story. Instant baggage drop without complications, the plane left on time and at Stansted the suitcases were on the carousel within three minutes of me coming through passport control.

What on earth is wrong with these people? Didn’t they see that Panorama exposé on themselves? How dare they do that to me? Leave me with nothing to grouse about? It was a plot, I’m sure. They must have read Toad, and didn’t want to upset Britain’s grumpiest travel writer.

The manager of the Stansted-Airport-Hotel-That-Probably-Daren’t-Be-Named-for-Libel Reasons, clearly hasn’t read my groans and moans and didn’t mind giving me indigestion.

I made the mistake of eating there the night before my early departure but the concept of waiters and waitresses is lost on them. You queue up at the bar while a surly over-worked Russian takes your order and you pay there and then.
Then 15 minutes later some girl dumps over-priced gunge on your table to help soak up your £5.75 glass of supermarket Chardonnay, leaving you to scarf it all down in a freezing cold room with as much atmosphere as Mars.

I left my car there on a park ’n’ stay deal but the receptionist had neglected to tell me I needed a pass card to get out on my return. Doing a three-point turn in a large 4×4 with an airport shuttle bus behind me, and an automatic ticket barrier I couldn’t get through in front of me, was… interesting.

Which brings me irritatedly to Il Duce, because Milan is where the absurd, pouting Benito Mussolini ended hanging upside down after being shot by his own countrymen in 1944.

Arrivederci e buona notte, Benito, you might think.

But on a relaxing weekend break at Malcesine on Lake Garda, just north of Milan, I was astonished to find Mussolini memorabilia.

Blackpool has its rock; apparently the Italian lakes have Mussolini. Clocks with faces showing his chin-jutting ugly mug, ‘Life of Mussolini’ calendars, even a waterproof kitchen apron with his full length uniformed portrait.

OK, Mussolini wasn’t in the Evil Dictator Premier League like Hitler, but he palled up with Adolf to make life miserable for millions of people, including his own eventually starving and poverty-stricken countrymen.
Imagine going for a weekend to Berlin and seeing Hitler aprons, and you get the picture.

So it’s a triple whammy: Ryanair for being infuriatingly good, the No Name hotel at Stansted for being excruciatingly bad, and the Italian government for allowing that evil dead old Fascist Musso to be used as tourist fodder.

Perhaps Silvio would like to drop me a line on the matter if he’s not too busy on his nightscapades. Michael O’Leary shouldn’t expect me to start doing TV advertising for Ryanair though. They’re not that good.