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Airport dictators

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Let’s leave Benito Mussolini until the end, because technically speaking the nasty Blackshirt didn’t actually make my trip to Italy any worse; he just left a sour taste in my mouth.

Let’s start with Ryanair. I know, I know, you’ve heard it all before. The cancelled flights, the ticket trickery, the callous offloading of the handicapped, the hidden pricing, and the miserly baggage allowance.

My complaint is far worse. Know what these lunatic airborne leprechauns did to me recently? Gave me a good flying experience, that’s what. I went to their baggage drop for a flight to Milan with the heaviest of hearts and a stomach churning with ready-made indignation. I felt sure they’d find some excuse not to carry my suitcase, deny me boarding, charge me a small fortune in extras, or claim I’d bought a ticket to Riga. Something had to go wrong.

And it didn’t, damn it. I waited just three minutes in the baggage-drop queue and was greeted by a smiling lady with a charming Oirish accent. Sixty seconds later I was on my way. But surely the boarding would go wrong and we’d be herded like cattle; pushed, shoved and verbally abused. Nope. They called the flight; we queued in orderly fashion and got on. OK. Here it would go wrong, surely? A cramped, knees-up-to-the chin flight and denied the use of the toilet for some trumped up reason.

No. There was plenty of legroom. I had a pleasant snooze, went to the loo, and we arrived at Milan-Bergamo only 20 minutes late. Coming back was the same story. Instant baggage drop without complications, the plane left on time and at Stansted the suitcases were on the carousel within three minutes of me coming through passport control.

What on earth is wrong with these people? Didn’t they see that Panorama exposé on themselves? How dare they do that to me? Leave me with nothing to grouse about? It was a plot, I’m sure. They must have read Toad, and didn’t want to upset Britain’s grumpiest travel writer.

The manager of the Stansted-Airport-Hotel-That-Probably-Daren’t-Be-Named-for-Libel Reasons, clearly hasn’t read my groans and moans and didn’t mind giving me indigestion.

I made the mistake of eating there the night before my early departure but the concept of waiters and waitresses is lost on them. You queue up at the bar while a surly over-worked Russian takes your order and you pay there and then.
Then 15 minutes later some girl dumps over-priced gunge on your table to help soak up your £5.75 glass of supermarket Chardonnay, leaving you to scarf it all down in a freezing cold room with as much atmosphere as Mars.

I left my car there on a park ’n’ stay deal but the receptionist had neglected to tell me I needed a pass card to get out on my return. Doing a three-point turn in a large 4×4 with an airport shuttle bus behind me, and an automatic ticket barrier I couldn’t get through in front of me, was… interesting.

Which brings me irritatedly to Il Duce, because Milan is where the absurd, pouting Benito Mussolini ended hanging upside down after being shot by his own countrymen in 1944.

Arrivederci e buona notte, Benito, you might think.

But on a relaxing weekend break at Malcesine on Lake Garda, just north of Milan, I was astonished to find Mussolini memorabilia.

Blackpool has its rock; apparently the Italian lakes have Mussolini. Clocks with faces showing his chin-jutting ugly mug, ‘Life of Mussolini’ calendars, even a waterproof kitchen apron with his full length uniformed portrait.

OK, Mussolini wasn’t in the Evil Dictator Premier League like Hitler, but he palled up with Adolf to make life miserable for millions of people, including his own eventually starving and poverty-stricken countrymen.
Imagine going for a weekend to Berlin and seeing Hitler aprons, and you get the picture.

So it’s a triple whammy: Ryanair for being infuriatingly good, the No Name hotel at Stansted for being excruciatingly bad, and the Italian government for allowing that evil dead old Fascist Musso to be used as tourist fodder.

Perhaps Silvio would like to drop me a line on the matter if he’s not too busy on his nightscapades. Michael O’Leary shouldn’t expect me to start doing TV advertising for Ryanair though. They’re not that good.

The gold standard

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Best Business Hotel in China’s 2009 Best Design Hotels awards. Best Boutique Hotel in the 2009 Travel Trade Gazette awards. And Business Traveller’s Best Boutique Hotel in the Asia Pacific. With its dramatic décor, luxury design and personalised service, Hotel LKF has won itself a five star reputation in its region, and is set to expand its esteem to the world.

Conveniently located in popular Lan Kwai Fong in Hong Kong’s Central business district, the area is abuzz with bistros, al fresco bars, restaurants, pubs, art galleries and antique shops, while shopping malls and designer boutiques are very close by. The prime location gives guests access to all parts of Hong Kong, with the MTR metro, airport express, buses, taxis and ferries all within walking distance.

At Hotel LKF, the 95 rooms and suites are generously proportioned, with 50 to 90sq m of opulent space, enriched with warm fabrics. Leathers and suede in soothing shades of ivory, camel and wood combine to create an effect that is richly layered and sophisticated. The ultra-comfortable guest rooms are furnished with luxurious tailored bed sheets and goose down pillows, and equipped with deluxe amenities, including warm background lighting and skilfully designed task lights. The contemporary design of the rooms is complemented by photographic masterpieces, making each room and each visit to the hotel unique.

The attention to detail allows guests to relax in calm and comfort, away from the bustle of the city. The extravagant experience is completed by the unique ‘V Care’ button, which provides access to personalised, pampering service 24 hours a day.

Panoramic pleasure
On the top two floors of Hotel LKF, the ‘Azure Restaurant Slash Bar’ serves up modern cuisine and a sweeping view of the vibrant city skyline. Ranked seventh in the Sunday Times list of the world’s 20 best sky bars, and declared Best Restaurant by the Hong Kong Tatler for two years running, it is one of the city’s premier nightspots, filled with a sizzling energy.

A unique and breathtaking space, the Azure takes the supper lounge concept to new heights. Azure is a sophisticated yet chicly understated and relaxed venue bathed in a vibrant combination of warm colours – violet, green, beige and brown – divided into a lounge and restaurant amid superb ‘colonial-meets-modern’ styling. Azure is a place for gastronomic pleasure, lively conversation and people-watching, where a diverse cross-section of international travellers and local trendsetters gather to enjoy creative cocktails and culinary innovations.

33 Wyndham Street, Lan Kwai Fong, Central, Hong Kong; tel: +852 3518 9688; fax: +852 3518 9699; reservations@hotel-LKF.com.hk; www.hotel-LKF.com.hk; www.azure.hk

Pictures of paradIse

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The luxurious region of La Caleta in southern Tenerife’s Costa Adeje is blessed with mild temperatures of 23ºC all year round. The island is so beautiful that even the whales and dolphins have chosen it as their preferred habitat. It is also well known for its great night life and relaxed atmosphere.

Set within this balmy idyll is the Sheraton La Caleta Resort and Spa, a coastal resort with splendidly sprawling gardens and a number of first class swimming pools, restaurants, bars and a spa. Every single one of the spacious and elegantly appointed guestrooms (all equipped with the Sheraton Sweet Sleeper Bed) opens onto a private terrace with a spectacular view and – naturally – the near-perfect climate of the Canary Islands. With a contemporary design and a touch of elegance, the rooms are equipped with air-conditioning, satellite TV, safe, mini-bar, coffee machine and a marble bathroom with separate shower and bath-tub to give visitors the most comfortable rest.

The hotel’s four restaurants provide ample opportunity for satisfaction. Main buffet restaurant El Parador, Japanese restaurant Kamakura (including sushi bar and Teppanyaki grill), Spanish restaurant La Venta and poolside restaurant Vivace leave nothing to be desired. Fresh cocktails are available in the lobby and poolside bars, or for a quiet night in, the hotel also offers 24-hour room service.

Business needs are met in any of the 10 meeting and banquet rooms, accommodating up to 500 people in 1,270sq m of space. The multifunction meeting room, based at the pool village and overlooking the Atlantic Ocean, provides a delightful location for an awe-inspiring meeting or unforgettable celebration. And for personal service, the Sheraton’s Executive Meeting Specialist can take care of the organisation of especially important events.

The hotel is also fully equipped with high-speed wireless internet access, making it easy for guests to connect from every location within the resort area, including the new Link@Sheraton area, offering multiple broadband workstations, a large plasma TV, PrintMe features and a bar service.

But for some, Tenerife represents an opportunity to disconnect and simply relax. For them, the luxurious Caroli Health Club offers multifunctional treatment suites, some with their own private courtyard. Facilities include a vitality pool with water features, lifestyle showers, sauna, ice igloo, steam room with crystals, 24 hour fitness centre, a health club and a beauty centre.

Sheraton La Caleta Resort and Spa, Calle La Enramada 9, 38670 La Caleta – Adeje, Tenerife; tel: +34 922 162 000; lacaleta@sheraton.com; www.sheraton.com/lacaleta

Whole in one

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A sedate expanse of turf in the elite West Bay area of Doha, Doha Golf Club boasts two immaculate golf courses. One, home to the annual European Tour Commercialbank Qatar Masters, is a 6,743m 18 hole championship course designed by leading golf course architect Peter Harradine; the other is a fully floodlit nine hole academy course designed to provide a variety of challenges, appealing to the novice golfer and the seasoned professional alike.

The luxurious comfort of the facility is evident immediately upon entering the Arabian-style clubhouse’s stunning marble interior, or one of its fine outdoor terraces. Featuring handmade gypsum, traditional artifacts and solid teak hand-engraved doors, the clubhouse has an air of traditional refinement; yet the beautifully crafted marble, the internal waterfalls and a central fountain create a cool and welcoming atmosphere. Open all year round, the clubhouse has two lounges offering sociable dining experiences with hearty meals prepared by a cultural mix of professional chefs.

The club’s award winning golf academy offers professional coaching, a simulator lounge, coaching studio and a Science and Motion putting lab, staffed by a team of dedicated PGA teaching professionals with a wealth of golfing knowledge, happy to impart their experiences of some of the world’s most exclusive golf clubs. This wealth of professional knowledge, hi-tech equipment and simple but effective teaching methods makes it easy and fun to learn the game or develop underused skills.

Coffees and tees
Doha Golf Club is also a unique venue for business meetings, product launches, corporate dinners and social functions like weddings and parties, offering state-of-the-art conference and banqueting facilities surrounded by a picturesque and tranquil landscape.

The Al Majlis Suite offers extensive facilities for organisations wishing to host small corporate functions, meetings, launches and seminars. This stylish meeting room offers comfortable seating for up to 50 people, with an array of audio-visual tools to satisfy any requirements.

The Gallery is a multifunctional room, holding 50 to 350 people for any fashion of function; it offers views of the superbly landscaped golf course and the glistening water of the lake on the 18th hole.

During the cooler months Doha Golf Club is equipped for outdoor dining. The Greens, a grass area adjacent to the clubhouse, can accommodate up to 1,500 people at an event sure to stun and amaze: there is no better way to celebrate or entertain than under the stars.

Tel: +974 496 0777; fax: +974 483 4790;
info@dohagolfclub.com; www.dohagolfclub.com

Smoother journeys

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Serving over 180 destinations all over the world and 67 million passengers each year, London Heathrow is one of Europe’s top hub airports. The 90 airlines operating out of its four terminals offer frequent flights to the most popular business and leisure destinations across the world: for example, the 24 daily services to New York mean travellers can do business according to their timetable.

But travelling can be stressful, no matter how convenient the commute. As one of the world’s busiest airports, however, Heathrow has developed the perfect infrastructure to minimise the hassle of international flight.

For those arriving by car, Heathrow Business Parking offers premium convenience. The car parks are closer to the terminals than long stay, with more frequent and faster transfers offering reliability and peace of mind. Alternatively, the official Heathrow Valet parking service offers sheer simplicity: travellers drop off their car at the forecourt, and upon return it is waiting. By train it’s just as easy: the Heathrow Express takes just 15-20 minutes from Paddington station.

Travellers who like to check in with plenty of spare time can relax and recharge in one of Heathrow’s many bars, cafes and restaurants. Each terminal offers options for every type of traveller, from grab and go sandwiches and sushi for those in a hurry, to fine dining for those with more time on their hands.

Heathrow’s terminals have around 500 retail outlets offering everything from beauty products to travel accessories and clothes. From the high end of fashion with Harrods or Mulberry to essentials from Boots and WH Smith, travellers won’t get caught short, and the benefits of airport pricing offer great savings on just about everything, from the latest technology and gadgets to watches and jewellery.

Airlines at Heathrow have some of the best business facilities anywhere in the world. Space to relax and work is provided in the Servisair lounges in terminals one and three, and the Holideck lounge in terminal four. The business class airline lounges at Heathrow have been voted best in the world by business travellers, from recent additions such as Bmi’s sleek new lounge to firm favourites like Virgin Atlantic’s 2,500sq m flagship Clubhouse. In terminal five there are British Airways’ stunning Galleries Club lounges, and in terminal four, Skyteam and Etihad have brand new facilities for their premium customers.

www.heathrow.com

Ma maison est votre maison

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leaders in hospitality across central and eastern Europe’s finest destinations, Mamaison Hotels and Residences offer a unique collection of boutique, business and conference, and all-suites residence hotels.

The organisation brings an individual flair to all its properties, from the service and facilities to the cuisine and charm.

All its destinations are individually designed with signature touches of welcoming warmth and cosiness, ensuring guests feel as comfortable as they do at home. In this Mamaison stays true to its name, offering spacious rooms with cosy ambience, and suites fulfilling or exceeding the expectations of the international traveller, with attentive personalised service.

With classical properties and contemporary interior flair ranging from Bauhaus to Art Nouveau, design gives Mamaison a majestic edge. While some hotels are housed in beautiful palaces of historic importance, others are more contemporary: one of Mamaison’s more modern Bratislava residences was designed by award-winning London and Prague architects Jestico and Whiles.

Within easy reach of some of Europe’s most remarkable cultural sites, Mamaison brings visitors closer to music and the arts. Each hotel is adorned with original pieces of art, from oil on canvas to iconic photography and antique ornaments. A number of notable artists, including Mozart, have written music in Mamaison’s Suite Hotel Pachtuv Palace in Prague. From top boutiques to theatres, music halls, museums, cafes, bars and nightlife, Mamaison residences bring travellers to the core of European culture.

For honeymooners and romantics alike, a Mamaison hotel is perfectly complementary to a fairytale day out in an old city, with romantic touches including four-poster beds, flowers and stunning views and scenery, as well as candle-lit cuisine. And with central locations in some of Europe’s most beautiful and prestigious capitals, Mamaison hotels are within walking distance of what travellers want: museums and exhibitions, major historical attractions, eye-catching surroundings, culture, convenient business hubs, shopping, spas and a vibrant nightlife.

The Mamaison name is a reliable guarantee, offering unique, midscale to upscale deluxe properties, excellent value for money and dependable service. With such variety in destination and design, Mamaison offers something for everyone, be they young or old and travelling on business or leisure. Its collection is ideal for culture and history seekers, value for money and high-end tourists, romantic partners or those simply keen to discover the cities of central and eastern Europe.

The real social network

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Even in the digital age, when information is easy to come by and virtual meetings more commonplace and effective, people will always want and need to meet face to face.

That is why attending International Confex (23-25 February 2010, Earls Court, London) is essential for anyone involved in the organisation of meetings, conferences, exhibitions, business travel or special events. As Europe’s leading show for the events industry, visitors to Confex will discover some 1,000 venues, events services and destinations within the UK and from 50 different countries. The show provides the perfect platform for industry professionals to come together over three days and conduct serious business.

The show’s ongoing pursuit for innovative and creative marketing has positioned Confex as the premier event in the UK. The new campaign and website features the new tag line ‘Surround yourself with inspiration,’ encouraging visitors to discover the most ingenious ideas among the 1,000 exhibitors at the show.

“Confex has always been about creating an experience which is enjoyable, educational and inspirational,” says Duncan Reid, Portfolio Director. “We’re really excited with the way Confex is shaping up. Visitors experience imaginative show features, thought provoking educational seminars and fantastic networking functions. We’re confident Confex 2010 will set imaginations alight and our visitors will be inspired by what the show has to offer.”

Unmissable features
For the first time ever, Confex will host over 100 VIP buyers from the UK and Europe. Hosted buyers will enjoy an exclusive range of services, including complimentary travel and accommodation, and a two day programme dedicated to providing business opportunities, professional development and inspirational ideas for all types of event planning.

As part of the show’s ever growing commitment in enhancing the visitor experience, the Theme Factory will showcase six different theme specialists who will transform their area to demonstrate their talents when it comes to designing an event or venue. The Theme Factory will present the best in the industry and creates the perfect atmosphere to network and get ideas for your next event.

The Great Outdoors will feature six pagoda-style peak roof tents encompassing the industry’s leading products and services in the world of outdoor events. So whether you’re looking to organise an event in the glorious summer or cosy winter, visiting The Great Outdoors will provide you with the most ingenious ideas for all manner of outdoor events and pursuits.

Back to school
Also new for 2010 is PA Day. Secretaries, executives and personal assistants will benefit from investing an afternoon or the whole day to source the best venues, pursue new ideas and speak with event experts on hand. PA Day promises an outstanding line-up of displays and an education programme addressing the core issues within the personal assistant and secretarial industry.

Confex Knowledge, the show’s professional education programme, is back on the agenda, offering 60 free seminars over three days. The Industry Forum, a key strand to the programme, will be a fully interactive opportunity to engage with the ideas of events industry leaders.“We are hearing everywhere that companies have reshaped, regrouped and are focusing on strategies for future growth,” says Mr Reid: “The Forum will provide a unique opportunity for high-level intelligence-gathering.”

Finally, to showcase the show’s ongoing commitment to support and highlight its growing international sector, Confex will again feature the Taste the World bar and Long Haul Village, providing yet more activities and entertainment.

International Confex 2010, 23-25 February, Earls Court, London; www.international-confex.com

Leading the way

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As part of these efforts, the organisation has appointed business events specialist Gary Grimmer and Company (GG&C) as their strategic consultant. GC&C was previously commissioned to conduct the feasibility study that recommended creation of a dedicated convention and exhibition bureau for Malaysia, so they are no stranger to the country, and should be confident partners in its development.

“GG&C will provide strategic input aimed at strengthening MyCEB’s role and destination management planning,” says Zulkefli Sharif, CEO for the bureau. “Its primary role is to provide support services for the operational set up of MyCEB, and to this end, will focus on areas such as branding, strategic sales and marketing, staff and industry training and the development of a government and industry forum.”

Part of MyCEB’s work is to nurture prospective home grown hosts of international meetings – a common prerequisite for association meetings – through its conference ambassador programme. Some association meetings confirmed in Malaysia in the near future include the World Congress of Accountants 2010, the Institute of Internal Auditors International Auditors Conference 2011, the World Gas Conference 2012, the 14th Asian Pacific Congress of Paediatrics 2012 and the International Congress on Obesity 2014.

“Our diamonds are in our own backyard,” says Mr Sharif. “A programme that motivates, supports and assists local Malaysian association executives can produce long term positive effects for Malaysia.”

Hard work ahead
Since its inception a year ago, MyCEB has sought to enhance the relationship and networking between local industry players and international event planners and associations, encouraging potential buyers to make Malaysia the preferred destination for their events. The bureau has set up a MICE working committee for experienced industry leaders to provide feedback on industry issues and opportunities, and has been instrumental in supporting the bids for several major international events and conventions that have been won by local venue providers.

An example is the Kuala Lumpur Convention Centre’s (KLCC) success in winning 28 conferences in 2009.

“The successful bids are a reflection of international and regional meeting planners’ confidence in Malaysia as an attractive destination for business events, the country’s strong track record and more importantly, they are testimony to Malaysia’s excellent value for money,” says Peter Brokenshire, General Manager of KLCC. Since the centre’s opening in June 2005 to December 2008, it has been the venue of choice for more than 1,800 events, generating more than RM1.8bn (£320m) for the city.

The World Economic Forum ranked Malaysia as the 4th most price competitive country in the world for travel and tourism in 2009, with comparatively low hotel and fuel prices, low ticket taxes and airport charges, and a favourable tax regime.

Zulkefli Sharif, CEO, MyCEB; www.tourism.gov.my; zulkefli@tourism.gov.my

Investment assessment

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The study, conducted by global research firm Oxford Economics, establishes a clear link between business travel and business growth, reinforcing the industry’s long-argued stance that if savings must be made, they should be from efficiencies instead of reduction.

“This study shows that not all spending cuts are smart cuts,” says Adam Sacks, managing director of Oxford Economics. “When companies reduce their travel budgets, there are negative consequences that we can now quantify, in terms of lost revenue and profit growth, and in terms of giving competitors a distinct advantage.”

Business travel is often seen as a non-essential area of spending, and in the current climate of savage cost cutting it is regularly at the top of savings lists. “Having the ability to demonstrate the return on travel investment has increasingly become a focus and a key deliverable of our members to their organisations,” says Kevin Maguire, chair of the National Business Travel Association. “We thought it was important… to get past the pro-business travel and anti-business travel rhetoric and test the correlation between business travel and sales and profits.”

Beyond hyperbole
The study found that curbing business travel can have a strong negative impact on corporate profits. The average business in the US would forfeit 17 percent of its profits in the first year of eliminating business travel, and it would take more than three years for profits to recover.

“Business travel is economic stimulus,” says Roger Dow, president and CEO of the US Travel Association, which commissioned the study. “In order to grow, businesses have to invest. This research shows that face-to-face meetings and incentive awards to top performers are among the smartest investments companies can make.”

The report points out the significant long-term benefits resulting from business travel. However, in the first six months of 2009, American business travel spending was down by 12.5 percent, and business travel volume was down more than six percent. Savings can still be made, but should focus on controlling, not cutting, costs.

“Companies not only have to understand the optimal mix of travel for their industries and companies,” said Hervé Sedky, vice president of American Express Business Travel, “but they need to know how to best use those dollars by investing in smart travel programmes during the downturn so they are in a better position when the economic recovery takes hold.”

Singapore sleeps

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Known for its glittering skyline and deft hand with a cocktail shaker, Singapore is famed for millennial style luxury. Housing every major top-end hotel brand, it’s also a business traveller’s dream, with some of the best conferencing and events facilities in the world, and more than its fair share of fine feather beds.

Raffles Hotel Singapore
For many business travellers, Raffles is the quintessential hotel experience.

Renowned among locals and visitors alike for its iconic cocktail bar and sumptuous restaurant offerings, it’s the venue of choice for business meetings. Established in 1887 as the ultimate slice of colonial-style hospitality, the sumptuous facade still marks the hotel as one of Singapore’s most enduring landmarks, and the establishment was declared a National Monument in its centenary year back in 1987.

Those here for a prolonged stay can take their pick of no fewer than 14 bars, restaurants and cafes, while an ongoing slew of awards and accolades for eating, drinking and general residency continues to assure would-be guests of the ongoing standard.

As one might expect, meetings and events are catered for in a suitably glamorous style with richly furnished venues, and a dedicated events concierge to arrange visitors’ occasions down to the smallest detail.

1 Beach Road, Singapore 189673
www.raffles.com
Doubles from SGD $640

The Fullerton Hotel
Yet another icon on the Singapore cityscape, the Fullerton is a vision of neoclassical columns and floodlit frontage.

Boasting a wide range of perfectly appointed rooms, the hotel has stylised different brackets of accommodation, from the contemporary ‘postmaster’ room right up to the luxurious ‘heritage’ suites.

When it comes to facilities the Fullerton places an emphasis on helping the stressed-out executive unwind, with an enormous gym complete with state of the art equipment alongside the requisite pool and lovely spa. The usual business centre has been scaled up a notch to deliver a fully functioning ‘financial centre,’ where guests can enjoy a range of work-related apparatus complete with dedicated staffing to meet every business need. Similarly, provision for meetings and events is suitably comprehensive with capacity for full scale banquets part of the package.

Elsewhere in the hotel a cityscape in miniature awaits guests who lack the time to explore widely due to work pressures. Guests can shop for gifts at the on-site boutiques, and various other artistic souvenirs in the large array of hotel shopping facilities.

1 Fullerton Square, Singapore 049178
www.fullertonhotel.com
Doubles from SGD$288

The Capella
Comprising a full-scale resort within a city centre, the Capella is a mesmerising tribute to the architectural talent of Foster and Partners, who have created a feat of sheer brilliance on Sentosa Island.

One of the city’s newer openings, the Capella rapidly made a name for itself as matching some of the most established old favourites.

A tempting advantage for business travellers is that while the location might be slightly further out than some, the rolling grounds and incredible facilities more than make up for a longer journey. A highly regarded golf course is one of the star attractions for those hoping to relax with a few rounds, and a generously sized spa and a truly world-beating natural pool area complete the set.

Events and weddings are part of the package, and meeting venues overlooking the water are perfect for spoiling well-travelled guests. The hotel’s signature restaurant ‘The Knolls’ also serves up fine fusion and local cuisine, with hairy crab a speciality.

1 The Knolls, Sentosa Island, Singapore 098297
www.capellasingapore.com
Doubles from SGD$550

Mandarin Oriental
The Mandarin Oriental brand holds legendary court in this area of the world, and Singapore’s flagship venue is no exception.

This dazzling city slicker is the ideal venue for access to the city’s nightlife and restaurant scene, while the rooms and suites celebrate the ideal combination of contemporary chic and Asian influence, with vivid views of Singapore’s captivating skyline.

Fitness enthusiasts are catered for with an impressive array of facilities, from a stalwart gym popular with visiting celebrities to yoga classes, tennis lessons and personal training sessions. The dedicated concierge also has an enviable track record of establishing guests with well-suited evening activities.

Those who find themselves tied to the business centre for hours on end will be particularly awed by the Oriental’s sumptuous offering, complete with opulent furnishings and no expense spared. Meetings are also well catered to with a number of flexible meeting rooms, and larger events have the full run of several impressive banqueting rooms.

5 Raffles Avenue, Marina Square,
Singapore 039797
www.mandarinoriental.com
Doubles from SGD$249

Shangri-La Hotel Singapore
The Shangri-La has gone all out to ensure that business guests experience a real taste of the country’s exotic flora whilst staying comfortable ensconced in the capital metropolis.

Grounds run to leafy rainforest vegetation with water tumbling over rocks, lush foliage and pools of tropical fish. Customers will also enjoy the wider location just a stone’s throw from some of the city’s best boutique shopping and business district.

Shangri-La has established itself as a byword for residential luxury throughout the world, but with this being the original venue, many rightly attribute extra status for being the first incarnation of an international brand.
Ever in-tune with the needs of the business traveller, this perfectly appointed hotel now offers a range of serviced apartments in addition to its 750 rooms, and an additional 55 luxury residences are housed in a villa-style development complete with a host of extra services.

22 Orange Grove Road, Singapore, 258350
www.shangri-la.com
Doubles from SGD$430

Marina Bay Sands
Watch this space for Singapore’s most hotly anticipated development, the Marina Bay Sands resort scheduled to open early 2010.

This new megaplex is quite simply all singing all dancing, aiming to present the city with the best ‘premier entertainment venue’ the world has ever seen. With Las Vegas Sands backing the destination, Marina Bay Sands will house a glittering casino (Singapore’s first), a full complex of retail therapy, and an onsite museum inspired by the shape of the lotus flower.

Architecturally the main body of the hotel will be no less ambitious, consisting of three cascading hotel towers, topped by a lofty one hectare sky park. Ultimately this will be a venue to see and to be seen in, with some 2,500 luxury rooms and suites. This should be at the top of the list for those holding sway with local movers and shakers in the city.

Those seeking an impressive convention facility need look no further; a large part of the complex is dedicated to boosting the city’s MICE trade with a state of the art conference facility that has capacity for over 45,000 delegates.

www.marinabaysands.com
Double rates TBA

The Fairmont, Singapore
Cutting a contemporary shape in the central city, The Fairmont is a meeting planner’s dream, with 70,000 square feet of conferencing and events space, and a superb location with great access routes from the airport.

Formerly Raffles The Plaza, the Fairmont adheres to the same rigidly high standards of its parent hotel, and it is tipped to be the smart option for those who are looking for the illustrious service of the flagship brand at business rates.

For those looking to trade up within the hotel, the Raffles Executive club offers ‘a hotel within a hotel’ – sumptuously designed rooms and facilities for those mixing business with relaxation. Rooms come equipped with extensive desk space, providing a private office with beautiful furnishings and great views over the city. The club lounge offers the usual run of complimentary breakfast, light meals and evening cocktails, with the kind of service you’d expect of this kind of establishment.

80 Bras Basah Road, Singapore, 189560
www.fairmont.com
Doubles from SGD$390

Naumi Hotel
Boutiques have hit Singapore in style and the city has a number of bite-sized options. But the Naumi has charmed business and leisure travellers alike with its small but perfectly formed array of accommodation and amenities.

Besides stunning millennial styling, rooms include impressive touches such as an in-room pantry complete with espresso coffee maker, whilst the attention to other details such as toiletries and furnishings give this small hotel big name status.

Facilities for business travellers include a corporate suite, with an area for small scale entertainment and a wine service system. Ladies have their own floor where only female staff can venture, making it an ideal choice for those hosting an event with solo female guests who prefer this arrangement.

The usual suspects of fitness area and pool are also provided in style, while the restaurant and bar have become cult favourites with locals for their sophisticated and intimate atmosphere; both have already won numerous industry awards alongside the hotel proper.

41 Seah Street, Singapore 188396
www.naumihotel.com
Doubles from SGD $275

The Scarlet Hotel
Another of Singapore’s superb boutique offerings, proving once again that smaller doesn’t necessarily mean less in the world of luxury hotels.

Occupying the space of a former colonial townhouse, the Scarlet lavishes guests with all the attention they could desire.

In the lobby and guest areas stunning bespoke furnishings lay testimony to the talent of Singapore’s designers, while the intimate restaurant tempts with haute cuisine almost any time of the day and night. And not to be outdone by larger models, the hotel also offers a small but perfectly formed pool area for topping up your tan between meetings.
In terms of business facilities, these are restricted to in-room technology rather than attached events space, but part of the advantage of boutique accommodation is having access to a friendly bolt-hole at the end of the working day.

However, they’ve still found space for a gym facility – tucked away in the basement – and staff are well acquainted with providing for the needs of the international traveller.

3 Erskine Road, Singapore 069333
www.thescarlethotel.com
Standard room from SGD$150

St Regis, Singapore
With a regal feel unique to the premises, the St Regis revels in occupying one of the most eminent spots in the city.

Guests are housed in palatial surrounds, with gold, marble and opulence the order of the day. Butlers are part of the remit, and are available to all guests as part of the general staffing, and on a one-to-one basis for an extra charge.
The larger suites have the delightful appeal of a latter day New York apartment, with rich colours and antique designs themed around a retro styled look. Other, more traditional rooms take the regal theme of the large lobbies and guest areas to its tasteful conclusion, in elegant, immaculate detail that is both classic and contemporary.

Meetings and events are provided in the same style, with heavy leather chairs and professional board rooms adding gravitas to any business event, and several chandelier-lit dining areas ensure guests are wined and dined in the highest possible fashion with a wide variety of excuisite cuisine.

29 Tanglin Rd, Singapore, 247911
www.starwood.com
SGD$375

Marina Mandarin Singapore
Marina Mandarin combines all the advantages of a city hotel with the extensive facilities of a larger resort, and features fabulous views of the Marina Bay in almost every room in the hotel.

Designed to celebrate Asian hospitality at an international standard, this hotel is also perfectly placed for the business traveller.

An adjoining mall means guests can enjoy all the advantages of Singapore’s shopping scene without straying too far from being contactable at the hotel, while the club lounge and business centre provide a veritable home from home for those who need to get things done.

The Marina Mandarin also has an enviable history of meetings and events, with two grand ballrooms for exhibitions, private parties and glamorous launches, as well as 12 meeting rooms for more traditional business gatherings.

The slew of accompanying restaurants also offer world class facilities in which to host clients with a range of options, including Italian and Malaysian cuisine.

6 Raffles Boulevard, Marina Square,
Singapore 039594
www.meritus-hotels.com
Doubles from SGD$517

Sheraton Towers Singapore
When it comes to sheer unbridled elegance, the Sheraton matches all criteria.

With a light, bright and modern design, the hotel prides itself on welcoming business guests to an array of eclectically styled and personal rooms. Voted one of the best places to stay in the world by Conde Nast, the Sheraton continues to draw international guests and local culinary aficionados to its superb restaurant facilities.

Business customers will find that no detail is too fine when it comes to preparing accommodation for those working on the move. Rooms come equipped with the usual internet and desk space, but extra attention has been paid to factors like the strength of the connection and telephone facility.

Outside the bedrooms, meetings and events are catered for with up to 17 events venues, including a grand ballroom, and purpose-built function rooms with all-important natural daylight and leafy
window views.

Thirty-Nine Scotts Road, Singapore 228230
www.sheratonsingapore.com
Doubles from SGD$380

Grand Hyatt Singapore
Grand Hyatts have made a great job of making themselves synonymous with the last word in luxury.

So it’s no surprise that the Singapore manifestation of this grand collective is no less well appointed than the discerning business customer would imagine.

Centrally located with over 600 rooms, the Singapore Grand Hyatt prides itself on catering to guests on business. Facilities include 24 function rooms and a grand ballroom, all of which can be flexibly tailored to suit the needs of variously sized groups.

The hotel also offers a number of appealing guarantees of good service, including a money-back price promise if anything is not to standard. Meeting and events planners can also take advantage of a rewards system to accrue benefits such as free upgraded rooms and similar bonuses.

The business lounge includes thoughtful extras such as laptop hire, a translation service and all the additional concierge requirements of those a long way from home without the resources of the larger team they may be used to.

10 Scotts Road, Singapore 228211
www.singapore.grandhyatt.com
Doubles from SGD$370

Ritz-Carlton Millenia Singapore
From hand-woven Tibetan rugs to butler-drawn rose-petal baths, the Ritz-Carlton really does make luxury on a grand scale.

This vision in architectural styling (by Pritzker Prize winning Kevin Roche) towers out of seven acres of garden grounds – no mean feat in a city where glass and chrome dominate the landmass.

Having made it past the abundance of natural surrounds, guests are treated to a 4,200 piece art collection including many masters of the 21st century, whilst the rooms beyond all boast beds with unobstructed views of the city skyline. The marble bathrooms also provide views out into the capital.

The business facilities are no less exacting than the opulent accommodation, with 3,250sq m dedicated to providing the highest possible standard of service. Those involved with the meetings delivery are rigorously sourced for qualifications in the field, and events can even be customised to ensure specific strategic goals are met.

7 Raffles Avenue, Singapore 039799
www.ritzcarlton.com
Doubles from SGD$500

Swings and roundabouts

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When the chief executives of the three main US automakers used separate private jets to fly to Washington DC to plead for a taxpayer bailout last year, they were severely castigated by members of a House of Representatives Financial Services Committee who were apparently more aware than the business leaders of the growing public distaste for executive expense account excesses.

But while public ire over business travel perks and concern for the environment are giving some executives pause for thought, it is the current economic recession that has had the most tangible impact on controversial business expenditure. Charles Petruccelli, President of American Express’ Global Travel Services, has been quoted recently as saying, “The recession, which is not over as far as I am concerned, has fundamentally changed the traditional business travel paradigm.”

The question is, how is it changing and what are the implications for individual business travellers in the future?

According to the IHS Global Insight report Measuring the Value of Business Travel, commissioned by the National Business Travellers Association, the total value of worldwide business travel spending reached $929bn in 2008. At $264bn, spending by US companies represented nearly 30 percent of that total; if it were classed as an industry, the authors note, business travel would rank thirteenth largest in the US economy.

Regardless of the actual value the investment brings to the organisation, there is no question about the contribution it makes to local economies. Estimates have put the number of jobs directly created by business travel in the US alone at 2.3 million. Many smaller and developing economies rely heavily on these jobs.

But everyone, it seems, is feeling the pinch. As the credit crisis led into a full-blown recession, research firm Oxford Economics revealed that business travel spending was down by 12.5 percent in the first six months of 2009.

According to corporate travel management solutions company, KDS, over 70 percent of respondents to a survey of business travellers around the world said their organisations had significantly reduced their business travel in 2009 and the cuts are set to continue into 2010.

The recession has pushed growing public concern for the environment down the priority list for most business travel programmes. A survey by the Association of Corporate Travel Executives (ACTE) and KDS in early 2009 found that environmentally sustainable travel was a high priority for only 17 percent of respondents, down from 29 percent the previous year, while cutting costs was the top priority for the vast majority of respondents – 79 percent.

The prospect of significantly reduced spending on corporate travel has spurred some of the many industry associations to look for evidence of measurable return on investment. Two independent studies released this year have come up with remarkably similar conclusions: there is a measurable return on investment and it is significant. In its detailed analysis across 15 different industries, IHS Global suggests that for every $1 spent on business travel, companies can realise $15 in profits.

In another study, Oxford Economics put the return on investment at $12.50 in revenues and $3.80 in new profits. This study went further, estimating that a total elimination of business travel would result in a 17 percent drop in first year profits for the average US firm, while a 10 percent increase in spending would lead to a GDP increase of between 1.5 and 2.8 percent.

The figures, if true, are impressive, but not everyone is prepared to accept them. “I do find that those figures made my eyebrows raise a bit,” comments Dr Keith Mason, Director of the Business Travel Research Centre at Cranfield University. “If a $1,000 trip results in the signing of a $15,000 contract, that’s one thing, but what about all the other trips when no contract is signed, or those that are purely for internal meetings and training?”

Tighter controls
Although most organisations have always had T&E cost control measures in place, the recession has brought the broader issue of travel management onto the radar screen in many boardrooms, and travel managers are poised to capitalise on their new visibility. Mary Ellen George, general manager of travel management consultancy Advito, advises that “While we predict travel managers will retain much of their newly found influence on senior management, they should work as fast as they can to initiate and complete changes before the window of opportunity snaps shut. Change management is much harder to drive in a flourishing economic climate.”

Dr Mason agrees. The focus of his current research is on reducing the environmental impact of business travel and he believes the time has never been better to implement concrete policies for change. “Business travel expenditure has always been linked to economic performance,” he says. “As we are currently in a downturn, this is a good time to be implementing initiatives to curb the carbon footprint and improve the cost efficiency of business travel.”

Mason would like to see organisations rationalising their business travel on the basis of CO2 generated wherever this is practical. Carbon Statement, a company that tracks companies’ changing carbon footprints, recently estimated that the CO2 generated annually by the average expense-claiming employee from business travel – not including commuting – would be equal to boiling a kettle 105,413 times. “For organisations in the financial and service sectors, up to 40 percent of their carbon footprint may be from travel,” Mason says. “If they are trying to meet the government target to cut emissions 80 percent by 2050, this becomes a serious issue to be addressed.”

Achieving it requires behaviour change within the organisation, which can only come about with strong leadership and the right tools. The tools include a newly developed carbon calculator programme that sits on top of a company’s online self-booking tool and calculates each airline’s carbon footprint on a particular route. This information is made available alongside schedule and costing data, giving the travel booker the ability to make informed choices about the total impact of each trip.

The leadership requires robust policy management and enforcement at all levels throughout the organisation. But when the economy recovers, will senior executives be less motivated to watch their travel costs and environmental impact? Yes, according to the managing director of a leading travel management company. “The general profile of the typical business traveller in our experience is someone who wants to fly as far forward in the aircraft as possible, who wants travel arrangements that deliver the most convenience and comfort during the trip, and who favours suppliers that will earn him or her the most frequent user rewards.”

Caroline Allen, European regional director for ACTE, disagrees. “Most travellers are happy to work within the policies set by their companies,” she says.

And policies are certainly set to increase, but not necessarily at all levels. In an interview with Business Travel News (BTN) at the end of 2008, Bernadette Basterfield, international head of travel for JP Morgan Chase Bank, said her company was “not focusing on front-of-office staff, because they are doing the deals.” Instead, the company had introduced a pre-trip approval process to help achieve a double-digit decrease in transactions by focusing on “travel avoidance among back-office personnel.”

“Clearly, if you have an investment banker who is doing multi-billion dollar deals around the world, you are not going to make cost savings a higher priority than getting that person to meetings on time and mentally alert,” says Allen. “But for many other business travel situations, companies can and do mandate policies that will balance cost and carbon efficiency with the benefits to be achieved from the trip.”

What is being hit the hardest are the two areas that Dr Mason noted: internal meetings and training. “One of the major influences on the downturn in my business,” says the business travel management firm MD, “is the curb on ‘internal’ travel. All our clients have banned it for the foreseeable future.”

The other area being heavily cut back is training: the KDS survey found that trips for sales and commercial relations now make up 45 percent of approved travel, with customer support trips and conferences accounting for 21 and 20 percent respectively. Internal meetings make up only 10 percent, down from the 40 percent estimated by ACTE in earlier years, and training comprises only four percent.

It seems that each new recessionary cycle brings a new rash of policies to curb business travel expenses. Under the banner of today’s buzz phrase, ‘demand management,’ typical mandates appearing in corporate travel policies include pre-authorisation, booking at least two weeks ahead to take advantage of earlier booking rates; multiple meetings in a single trip; meeting times to be scheduled to minimise the travel cost and reduce the need for overnight stays; lower permitted class of travel according to the journey time and business requirements, and booking with approved suppliers with whom the company has generally negotiated lower costs based on volume bookings.

One industry travel manager says “Internal meetings are down and as many as 70 percent of our flights globally are in economy class. We are also pushing our travellers to consider buying restricted tickets and accepting connections on longer routes to take the benefit of lower cost fares.”

The policy challenge has always been to get buy-in from travelling executives. Capturing and publishing metrics is the most common way of making people more aware of their behaviours in this area, but some companies are beginning to implement more creative methods. PricewaterhouseCoopers has appointed a network of travel champions among their personal assistant and secretarial pool, and targeted them on reducing trips and travel costs. It has also implemented a carbon incentive scheme, whereby for every tonne of C02 saved on travel, the company invests in saving an acre of Ecuadorean rainforest.

For internal and training uses, most companies are turning to electronics. Although in Dr Mason’s estimation a fully satisfactory experience is still several years away, video conferencing technologies continue to approach the nirvana of creating an environment that looks and feels like the real thing. Desktop collaboration software, with functions like shared live access to documents, the ability to hold offline private conversations with other participants, and a permanent video record of all meeting transactions, is already developing a strong user base among project teams who use it to collaborate on key projects from remote locations. Several organisations have moved responsibility for promoting and delivering these virtual meeting facilities from the IT department to the travel management team, showing the key role they are expected to play in business travel programmes in the future.

On the move
There is no one size fits all policy. While organisations will continue to press for cost controls and improvements in environmental impact, the fact is that in a competitive market for high performing individuals, business travel parameters often become a point of negotiation on the employment contract. The deal-doers want to travel first class, and increasingly, access to first class perks will be directly related to the individual’s ability to generate visible results for the organisation.

For the rest, the future promises less comfort. The KDS survey found that 75 percent of travellers now have to work harder to justify their travel, and then only 38 percent report being allowed to travel in business class even when the flight is longer than five hours. Nearly 60 percent said the number of hotel nights they have stayed away has significantly reduced over the past six months. Twenty-nine percent said that if their trip involved a weekend stay, they spent the time working, rather than sightseeing or relaxing.

Ironically, there is evidence that conference site selection is being influenced by public perception of corporate executive excess, to the cost of the corporate travel budget. In a recent survey, ACTE found that some organisations are shunning traditional destinations like Las Vegas in favour of more out of the way destinations not generally associated with leisure and entertainment. This is despite the fact that the more famous sites generally offer lower prices and better facilities because they are so well developed. Commenting on the results of the survey, executive director Susan Gurley said, “Paying higher rates and spending more time getting to a business location when less expensive and more easily accessible alternative locations are available will quickly deplete a corporate meetings budget, thus wasting funds that could provide someone with a job.”

But while company policies are tightening up control on the big ticket items, more powerful tools are emerging to give the traveller more control over the details of the trip. At a recent conference in Austin, Texas, Gregg Brockway, president of TripIt demonstrated the latest mobile services for business travellers. Through a combination of GPS and social networking capabilities on mobile internet devices, travellers can find not only local restaurants and services wherever they are in the world, but also any contacts from their Facebook directory who happen to be in the neighbourhood. Using a “who’s close” facility, travellers can find out who else might be in the same airport, for example, enabling them to share the cost of a limousine, or have an impromptu meeting.

A survey by BTN last year put the average age of the travelling executive at 41, down from 49 in 2002. As a younger generation, more accustomed to living in the world of online social networking, becomes the core of business travelling executives, the use of virtual meeting technologies and mobile internet services for managing travel will increase. Mark Avery, UK head of business services for PricewaterhouseCoopers told BTN, “I think as the generations change, [the use of videoconferencing] will change, but my current view is that you don’t build relationships through technology, but you can maintain them to a certain extent… The reason I say this will change is that if you look at kids today on social networking sites, they are used to making friends online, not necessarily meeting them face to face.”

They are also used to trying out a plethora of information sites and tools, relying on the power of word of mouth to rate services and find the best deals. In discussing the future for business travel management, April Bridgman, senior VP at BCD Travel, may have coined a new term, “fansumerism” to refer to a trend in which travellers are opting for mobile travel tools that have been validated by their peer group. The increasing number of travel applications – there are currently around 2,000 written for the iPhone, for example – which can work with each other and office cost and management systems, opens new opportunities for the traveller to take back some control of the booking and management process; while still delivering better value to the business travel programme. Some companies have already responded to the environmental challenge by giving travelling executives their own carbon footprint targets and the freedom to manage them. In future, there may be moves to do the same with a portion of the travel budget.

If business travellers are going to have to be more flexible in the future, so are the suppliers and policy makers. As the authors of the KDS study conclude, “Travellers are prepared to make concessions in how they travel… employers should consider whether more flexibility in their travel policies could yield greater benefits to the business.”

And for those who still insist that business travel is a classic example of executive excesses on expense accounts, perhaps Caroline Allen of ACTE should have the last word. “Travelling is simply a long and tiring commute,” she says, “prone to delays and disruptions along the journey and where the traveller often works continuously for extended periods of time.”

Oh, for an airline departure lounge

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We’ve become so used to airline terminals with their chrome and glass,
their Duty Free shops groaning with perfume, booze and tobacco;
champagne and oyster bars, Tie Racks, Waterstones and Harrods, that we
have the nerve to complain about them.

Done it myself; long
moans about the departure lounge as a retail therapy experience. Why
can’t these airport Johnnies simply concentrate on getting us on the
plane?

I’ve called Terminal Three a disgrace, whined about
Terminal 4 and rubbished airports all over the world. Not any more.
Hosanna for Heathrow! Hallelujah for Luton! Gratitude and glee for
Gatwick – that’s the order of the day.

Because I recently left
England another way – by car ferry – as hundreds of thousands do each
year. Let me set the scene. Teeming rain, forlorn cranes and empty
docks, confusing signs, a run-down prefabricated gatehouse and a man
silhouetted behind fogged up windows. We ask for directions and he jabs
angrily, shouting, voice indistinct: “Down there.”

We go ‘down
there’. Wrong way. Come back. Ask again. He shouts through a gap in the
sliding glass panel into the downpour: “If you’d get out of your bloody
car I’d tell you.”

Ah, the charm of the English jobsworth.
Eventually we pull up at our departure terminal. Three overweight
employees in luminous jackets stand outside smoking. The building is
dilapidated, the carpet threadbare. It has toilets and a café but no
shops and only shuttered counters.

It’s like some nightmare East
European crossing point from a John Le Carre novel, or perhaps a
throwback to a waiting room at Clapham Junction in Jim Callaghan’s
Winter of Discontent 1979 Britain.

But no, this down-at-heel
embarkation point is the last sight that many foreigners see of
England, and it made me ashamed to be British. Ashamed and angry that
we have so little pride in ourselves and our country we can allow
places like this.

My three American guests had enjoyed England.
Business in London and High Wycombe and a side trip to Bodiam Castle.
Now we were off to Normandy for a nostalgic trip to the D-Day beaches
before they flew back to Houston.

Which is how we fetched up at
the farewell carbuncle that is Newhaven, and left Britain’s shores with
the kind of sour taste in our mouths it took a lot of Calvados and rich
Norman cuisine to scour away.

Newhaven ferry port is kept alive
only because the Departement de Seine-Maritime and the burghers of
Dieppe want to keep the ferry link going to promote tourism. This side
of La Manche all hope and interest has died. Seems they can’t even
afford a couple of cans of Dulux and an air-freshener.

It’s a
disgrace; shabby, forlorn and woebegone, lacking any spirit. If it was
a patient it would be in the hospice by now and concerned relatives
would be quietly ordering wreaths. To borrow from Monty Python this is
almost an ex-port, virtually deceased. It is ready to join the choir
invisible.

In the buffet I order a cup of tea. The Liz Frazer
lookalike picks at her peeling tan and enquires nasally: “You a lorry
driver?” I stare at her incredulously. “Do I look like a lorry driver?”

She
cackles hideously: “I dunno, but lorry drivers get a free cake with
their tea.” It was something out of a Fifties’ black and white sitcom
starring Hilda Baker.

Didn’t this Britain vanish after Thatcher
tore aside the ragged screen of drab consensus, grabbed the ailing
patient and infused a new entrepreneurial spirit into him? Not at
Newhaven. This is the Port That Time Forgot, a devastated kingdom
inhabited by a miserable collection of zombies going glassy eyed
through the motions of life.

All the austerity, drabness, and sheer misery of post-war Britain still breathes, albeit wheezily, at this Sussex ferry port.

We
ask if there’s a bureau-de-change, as my Americans have travellers’
cheques. An employee in his dazzling day-glo jacket expels smoke he
laughs so loud at the absurdity of my question.

We ask when we
might be boarding. The French ferry is due to depart at 10 am… “’Baht
nine, if you’re lucky. I can’t guarantee nuffink.” He gives a throaty
tobaccoed chuckle.

Images of old British Railways delayed trains
and improbable timetables come rushing back. I expect to see Trevor
Howard and Celia Johnson enjoying a brief encounter in the Fifties’
style buffet.

Then about ten past nine – no loudspeaker
announcement, just some general rush for the cars tells us we’re
boarding. We present our tickets and passports and are waved on about
250 yards before stopping at a barrage of yellow traffic cones. Where
we sit for the next fifty-five minutes.

No explanation; no-one
walking along going, “Sorry you’re being delayed ladies and gentlemen,
slight hitch in unloading.” We sit in the steamed up car, watching the
heavy lorries roll off, passing the time by seeing who can best
pronounce the name of ubiquitous French truck firm Norbert
Dentressangle.

At last we drive on to this floating chunk of La
Belle France moored to a crumbling slice of Not So Merrie Englande. The
Americans go to change their travellers’ cheques, but there’s no Bureau
de Change on the Seven Sisters ferry either.

They give me
doubtful looks as I tell them I’ve never in my life been to a ferry
port or on a ferry anywhere in the world where there was not a Bureau
de Change or a Purser’s office to change money.
There is however an
automatic change machine. You put in a £10 note, it gives you Euros. It
took me eight attempts to get it to deliver on one note.

At
Arromanches that night over an excellent dinner and a lot of wine the
sepia image of Newhaven begins to fade like an old nightmare.

And
I think back nostalgically to Heathrow’s Terminal Three like of a
much-maligned past lover on whom I’ve been far, far too harsh.

To contact Stuart White email stuartwhite383@btinternet.com